Mayeno Consulting - Lessons from the Field

The Gift of Generous Listening

2011-12-21T10:59:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I received the gift of generous listening from a friend and colleague. It changed my perspective and lifted me out of the winter blues. She listened to my concerns without judging or trying to fix anything. She acknowledged me in a way that left me feeling valued and believing that my contributions make a difference. Our conversation reminded me that generous listening can change lives.

Generous listening is more than a skill, and it is much more than hearing what someone is saying. It is a way of being when you are interacting with others. Generous listening starts from a place of fully valuing people and a commitment to understand what is important to them. Generous listening can transform relationships at work, in families or in interactions anywhere. When we are the listeners, our lives our enriched, because it allows us to be fully value the people around us.

Creating a generous frame of mind - Generous listening is easiest with the people we get along with and most difficult when there is tension in the relationship. If there are thoughts and feelings that get in the way of generous listening with others, start by acknowledging those and letting go of them. Acknowledge and focus on what you value about them and what is possible. Listen and engage with them from that perspective.

For example, one Executive Director was discouraged because he believed that his board members were being unsupportive of staff when they questioned some of his recommendations. From this, he formed a judgment that the board members were unsupportive and uncaring. When he let go of this judgment and recognized the board members' need to contribute, it allowed him to come from a place of generosity in his interactions with them. He could then "hear" the positive intention behind their questions and concerns and see them as coming from a supportive place.

Guidelines for Generous Listening

1. Be present. Let go of the "to do" list and other distractions. Turn down the volume on the voice inside your head and be fully present with the person or people you are interacting with. If you are like me, you may have a habit of multi-tasking or side conversations in your head when engaging with others. If we learn to value being present with others as much as we value "getting things done", we can then be more intentional and learn to be present.

2. Let go of fixing, judging and defending. Don't assume that people want advice or that there is anything to be fixed. If they are sharing something that is challenging to them, resist the temptation to jump in to problem-solve. If you notice yourself making judgments, recognize them and let go of them. And, if you become defensive, take a deep breath and listen to what is being communicated. We are conditioned to be caretakers, problem-solvers and to defend ourselves. It takes a conscious effort to let go of these patterns.

3. Listen with full attention and interest. Focus on understanding the thoughts, concerns, needs and experiences that are being expressed. Let the speaker tell their entire story or complete their thought without interjecting your own. Give the speaker the gift of being fully heard. If appropriate, reflect back what you hear, so that they know that they are heard.

4. Listen deeply. Listen for the underlying feelings and needs and acknowledge them. Are there feelings that haven't been acknowledged or expressed? Is there a need that is being met or not being met? For example, tensions between staff members often come from unmet needs to feel valued and respected. Feelings of joy often come when needs for contribution and community are met. Listening with empathy is listening to these feelings and needs and allows for deeper understanding and connection.

5. Listen for possibility and opportunity. Generous listening allows us to become present to possibilities and opportunities that we may not have otherwise seen. For example, a supervisor shared frustrations in working with a staff member who was not meeting her expectations. She recognized her own feelings of inadequacy as a supervisor. Through conversation, she began to see possibilities for transforming her view of herself as a leader with something valuable to contribute and her view of the staff member as someone who was open to learning. Her view of the situation also shifted to one of possibility.

In conclusion, generous listening can transform how we view the people around us and how we see our lives. It can open up possibility that we didn't see. It can create workplace relationships where people are truly heard, understood and valued. Today, I am starting an experiment to practice generous listening with as many people as possible. I encourage you to do the same and welcome your stories about what happens!

For more information about my work, see my website or read past commentaries on my blog.

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my e-news. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address (www.mayenoconsulting.com) if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

Finding Freedom from Self-Limiting Mindsets

2011-09-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

Recently, while facilitating a workshop, I handled a participant's question in a way that was experienced negatively by the participant and others in the group. My immediate reaction was that I had really blown it, harmed another person, ruined my credibility and damaged trust. My fall blog is about making a difference by choosing our "mindset" in responding to our circumstances. In this situation, I wished I could turn back time and have a second chance at answering the question. I could not change what had already happened, but I did have a choice in how to respond.

So, how did I respond? I chose to trust myself and the group to be able to work together and learn from the interaction. I chose to stop the conversation to address what had happened. With the group, I used the interaction as an opportunity to practice the communication skills we were learning. I practiced being accountable for the impact my actions had on the participant, while modeling "being human". The group engaged in an honest and supportive conversation where everyone learned, trust was built and human connections were made. This interaction gave the group a "live" case example to demonstrate how we can shift our mindsets on a challenging situation to create opportunities for learning and growth.

In a reactive mindset, we tend to tolerate or survive our circumstances without experiencing freedom or choice. By shifting our mindsets, we can respond to challenging circumstances with greater freedom. We are no longer victims or villains, but have the power to create and shape our realities. This leadership competency can be developed through practice and can make a huge difference in quality of our lives, our personal and professional relationships and our work.

Here's another example about shifting mindsets on an organizational level. The staff in XYZ Community Center worked long hours to serve clients with significant health challenges and limited access to support services. They worked closely with these clients in a very vulnerable and challenging time of their lives. The organization's work patterns did not include time for staff members to process their emotions or get support from each other. At a staff retreat, some staff members said they felt isolated, unsupported and burned out. Together they identified a need for self-care, but recognized that they would not change their organizational patterns unless they examined their underlying mindset.

The staff then explored the self-limiting beliefs that get in the way of self-care. For example, many had been socialized to believe that caring for others was more important than self-care. Self-care was considered "selfish". Another underlying belief was that that people who work in non-profit environments must be self-sacrificing. People thought that they would be frowned upon for setting boundaries and saying "no" when a client needed support. The staff members recognized that these mindsets were learned and were not "the truth". In this story, staff members were martyrs and victims of bad circumstances, with no choices and no support. By holding on to this mindset as if it were "the truth", they were limiting their ability to respond proactively to their circumstances. They also realized that they had a choice - to let go of the mindset and create a new one that worked better for them.

They chose to reframe "self-care" as an issue of sustainability for the staff and the organization. They also reframed the ways in which they looked at the clients and their services to them. Rather than seeing their clients as needing constant support, they recognized that they were capable people and would be able to manage if the staff was not constantly available to them. With the support of the board, they made some structural changes to their work schedules so that they would have more down time. They also built in opportunities for staff to get support. This shift required adopting a mindset that investing in the wellbeing of staff was an investment in the wellbeing of the organization and the people it served. In the new story, the staff members were active agents in creating their circumstances, surrounded by supportive colleagues and capable clients.

Mindsets aren't inherent. They are learned. Our mindsets can keep us trapped in patterns that don't work for us. Mindsets can be held by individuals or by an entire group. When we separate our viewpoints from the circumstance, we can create a different mindset or viewpoint that allow us to break free of old patterns and create new ones. The following are steps that can be used in transforming mindsets:

1. Tell the story about the challenge you are facing. Write it down and tell it to another person or discuss it within the group. Include your story about the circumstances, yourself and others.

2. Separate your viewpoint from circumstances. Acknowledge what is real and what is the mindset or reaction to the circumstances. Underline or circle the circumstances that you don't control. Acknowledge that everything else is your viewpoint and that you have a choice to hold on to it or let go of it.

3. Acknowledge the impact that of your mindset. Is it self-limiting? Does it cause suffering or loss of power? Do you feel stuck, lacking choices? Are you in a reactive mode, rather than responding to the circumstances?

4. Acknowledge any resistance to giving up the mindset. Is there a need you are meeting by holding on the mindset? If so, honor that need and explore ways to get it addressed. Address the roots of that resistance and make a choice. If you choose to hold on to the mindset, don't make yourself wrong. It's your choice.

5. Create and try on different viewpoints. You may want to try on a number of different viewpoints or mindsets until you find one that resonates for you or the group. Create a new viewpoint about the circumstances, yourself and others.

6. Communicate/share with others in a way that moves and inspires you. As you share with others, you fortify your own shift in mindset and create openings for others to shift theirs as well.

7. Identify and take actions based on your new viewpoint. Notice any difference in how your circumstances occur to you. Continue to share with others.

8. Repeat the steps in the process any time you feel "stuck" are suffering in your circumstances. Stay connected to others for support and keep channels of communication open.

In conclusion, it is not our circumstances that cause suffering or joy. It is the viewpoints we hold toward them. We have a choice about our viewpoints and can build our individual and collective capacity to choose viewpoints that empower us. In a reactive mindset we tend to tolerate or survive our circumstances and experience little freedom or choice.

For more information about my work, see my website or read past commentaries on my blog.

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my e-news. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address (www.mayenoconsulting.com) if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

When Expectations Aren't Met: Responsive Employee Feedback

2011-06-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

Greetings and Happy Summer!

Recently, several people have asked for training or support for supervisors on giving feedback to employees. My summer blog shares some ideas and principles that I have found to be valuable in responding when employees don't meet expectations. While the focus is on feedback from supervisors to employees, the principles apply in other situations. Rick Bowers, Mediation Consultants, LLC, shared valuable insights and wisdom that made this article possible. Your feedback is welcome!

Laurin Mayeno
Mayeno Consulting

When Expectations Aren't Met: Responsive Employee Feedback

If you've ever dreaded giving feedback to an employee who has not met an expectation, you are not alone. The case scenario below will be used to introduce an approach based on principles of transformation and Nonviolent Communication. This approach is responsive, because it enables both parties involved to respond to needs in a proactive and supportive manner.

Alex was responsible for organizing a community celebration. Staff and volunteers were expected to assist with the different tasks on the day of the event. Jayden is Alex's supervisor. A few weeks before the event, Jayden asked Alex to develop an assignment list. On the day of the event, Jayden noticed that there was no written assignment list and that guests started to arrive before the registration table and food were set up. Jayden wanted to give Alex some feedback, but was dreading it and feared that it wouldn't go well.

Feedback Mindset - Feedback is often viewed in an either-or, positive-negative dichotomy. If we're not giving praise, we are giving negative feedback, which is often laced with judgment and blame. Alex's work did not meet Jayden’s expectations, and Jayden’s mindset was that both the feedback and the process of delivering it must therefore be negative. This mindset stems from a larger culture that exists in many organizations. In this culture, feedback is often viewed as a way for dominant supervisors to assert their authority over subordinate employees and correct bad behavior. In this mindset, the supervisor is the judge and the employee is being judged. Needless to say, this approach fosters defensiveness and tends to close down communication.

Rather than acting as a judge, Jayden chose to engage Alex based on their mutual commitment to meeting goals and needs. When Jayden made a shift in mindset, Jayden began to think of feedback as an opportunity to open up communication, rather than shut it down. The chart below shows the contrast between the judgmental mindset and the responsive mindset that Jayden chose.

Feedback Mindsets
Judgmental	Responsive
Good/Bad, Positive/Negative Criticism/Praise	Works/Doesn't work or could work better. Meets goals and needs/Doesn't meet goals needs
Supervisor correcting employee	Connecting based on mutual commitment to meeting goals and needs
A necessary, but unpleasant task	An opportunity for connection, mutual understanding, growth and exploration

Workability - Rather than feedback consisting of judgments of good or bad, we can ask questions such as: "What worked? ", "What didn't work?" and "What could work better?" This way of thinking brings the focus to the work and removes connotations of right and wrong.

Needs - In addition to defined goals, there are often underlying needs that people have. Universal human needs (from Nonviolent Communication) are deemed "universal" because they are needs that everyone has, such as autonomy, contribution, purpose, support, trust and understanding. When people have needs, they are not only for themselves. For example, both a supervisor and an employee may have needs for partnership, harmony and effectiveness on the team. When we are aware of our own needs and can understand the needs of others, we can then find ways to respond to those needs. When we acknowledge and communicate our needs, there's a special type of connection that allows natural giving to occur. As a supervisor, Jayden can also acknowledge what Alex's needs might be. For example, Alex may have a need for autonomy or flexibility.

Generosity - Another crucial element of feedback is our mindset towards our selves and others. If we harbor resentments or guilt, our feedback is more likely to be laced with blame and judgment. Self-reflection allows us to acknowledge those feelings and the needs underlying them. With practice, we can also move to a space of compassion and generosity for our selves and others.

Self-reflection on Mindset - Following is a tool that supervisors can use for self-reflection before giving feedback. This tool is designed to support supervisors in creating a mindset for responsive feedback. Here are some questions for self-reflection with examples from Jayden’s case scenario.

Questions for Self-Reflection	Jayden’s Reflections
What thoughts and feelings do I have about giving feedback?	I'm afraid that I will hurt Alex's feelings and make Alex mad. I don't want to come across over-controlling and picky. I don't want to damage relationships. I don't like receiving "negative" feedback, so I don't see why Alex would like it.
What thoughts and feelings to I have about the person I am giving feedback to? Can I give feedback from a place of generosity and compassion?	Alex is a real flake and doesn't care about being organized. I am frustrated and mad. I would probably be judgmental and blaming if I tried to give feedback.
What needs of mine are most important in this situation? (Universal human needs or values, not specific strategies)	I have a need for trust. I also have a need for collaboration and a need for harmony.
What opportunity or gift is there in giving this feedback?	I can practice being non-judgmental, while also being direct. I can connect with and learn from Alex. I can discover Alex's needs and strategies to meet both of our needs.
Are there any shifts I can/will make in my mindset so that I can give feedback from a place of generosity?	I can let go of judgments and appreciate Alex's commitment and dedication to the community. I can also let go of my fears relate to myself and Alex as people who are capable of hearing, understanding and responding to feedback.
What is my intention in giving feedback?	On reflection, I see that my intention was to blame Alex and control Alex's behavior. I now want to support Alex, mutually explore how to meet needs, and strengthen our working relationship.

Elements of Responsive Feedback

The following are some elements can be used when giving responsive feedback. These elements are the same whether they are in response expectations that were met or not met. Using this approach to feedback may not feel natural at first, because it is a shift from long standing communication patterns. Real life interactions call for flexibility in using these elements, rather than a linear, step-by-step process.

Element	Jayden’s Feedback
Clarify your intent. Frame the conversation so that the employee is clear on your intention and mindset.	I'd like to give you some feedback about the planning for our event and what is important from my perspective. I'd also like to hear your perspective about how we can strengthen our teamwork and ways that I can support you in coordinating events.
State your observation of what the employee did/didn't do. Be specific. Focus on what happened, not on your interpretation of what happened.	I didn't see any written assignments for staff or volunteers at the event. I also noticed that the food and registrations tables weren't set up before guests started to arrive.
State why this matters. (Include the underlying needs.)	I had an expectation that you would have a plan for working with staff and volunteers. I'm concerned and have a need for trust that I can count on you to work effectively with staff and volunteers. I also have a need for collaboration and harmony among all of us.
Elicit the employee's perspective.	Would you tell me your feelings and thoughts about what I just shared?
Connect to the employee's needs.	What needs are important to you in this situation?
Develop Strategies. Explore ideas and make requests and/or commitments.	What ideas do you have for meeting both of our needs?
Identify follow-up steps. Review what was agreed upon and make specific commitments for any next steps.	We agreed: 1) To have a conversation with staff at the next meeting about ways to work together in planning events. 2) To have a check-in meeting one week prior to each event to review the plan for staff and volunteer assignments. 3) To check in again in a month to see if there are any other needs to be addressed.

In conclusion, a responsive approach to employee feedback involves a shift from a judgmental model to one where supervisor and employee connect based on a focus on workability and universal human needs. Practicing this approach requires flexibility and willingness to stretch beyond habitual patterns of interacting. The rewards may include stronger collaboration and effectiveness, more authentic connections and greater satisfaction for all members of the team. When practiced throughout an organization, responsive feedback can help build a transformed work environment where everyone is fully valued and contributing fully.

For more information about my work, see my website or read past commentaries on my blog.

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my e-news. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address (www.mayenoconsulting.com) if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to e-mail me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me topics or "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Transformation and Multicultural Organizational Development: What's the Connection?

2011-03-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

Greetings and Happy Spring!

Today's blog was inspired by a conversation with a potential client. The potential client was grappling with how to support organizations that have already done some work around cultural competence and want to engage in multicultural transformation. I hope you enjoy reading and welcome your feedback!

How can leaders who want to build transformed, multicultural organizations conceptualize and approach this process? Many organizations have engaged in work to improve their services for diverse populations. Sometimes there are new programs in place, new staff hired and new policies. Often, individuals experience deep reflection and learning. This work sometimes, but not always, is transformative in nature. Today I discuss some key concepts and suggest steps for organizational leaders who want to transform their organizations.

What is a transformed multicultural organization? Transformation is distinct from incremental or discrete changes, which do not fundamentally impact an organization. Multicultural principles, such as commitment to equity and valuing socio-cultural similarities and differences, are embedded in all of domains of the organization. This includes the organization's mission, vision, programs and services, people, organizational culture and communication, policies and procedures, resources and infrastructure and engagement with community. A core element of a transformed multicultural organization is the capacity to engage, value and learn from diverse cultures and people. Multicultural transformation is not an end result, but an ongoing process.

Orientation toward Culture and Difference - An organization's mindset toward culture and difference is a determining factor in its approach to multiculturalism. If culture and difference are seen as problems to solve or specific issues to address, the process may be incremental or discrete. On the other hand, transformation occurs when culture and difference are valued as relevant throughout the organization's work.

Deficit to Opportunity - I often get called to work in organizations when they are stuck in conflict and don't know how to move forward. Sometimes, they are entrenched in a deficit-based approach focused on solving the "problem" of culture and difference. For example, problem-solving may focus on programs that lack the ability to serve different language or cultural groups. In such situations, staff often view cultural responsiveness as a burden; one more thing to add to their long to do list. When culture and difference are viewed as problems, people may be cast as victims and villains. There is often blame. shame, defensiveness or demoralization. One step in transforming the organization's approach is reframing the deficit orientation to one of opportunity.

A transformational approach does not ignore problems or challenges or side step the need for people to be heard. I have seen some of the greatest transformation come from acknowledging the tense and difficult situations and seeing the opportunities that can come from them. For example, an incident of staff insensitivity was reframed as an opportunity to clarify organizational expectations. A conflict was reframed as an opportunity to share and learn from different perspectives. A complaint from staff about inaction by management was reframed as an opportunity for managers to step beyond their comfort zone and develop new leadership skills. An underlying assumption in the transformed multicultural organization is valuing culture and difference and the real life experiences that happen in culturally diverse organizations.

Additive to Integrative - In an additive approach, an organization might hire culturally diverse staff and/or add on new services and programs to reach different populations, without integrating multiculturalism into other aspects of the organization. The mindset underlying this approach is that culture and difference only impact some communities and only comes into play in specific contexts. Often, in this approach, the people who work with "diversity" are marginalized in their organizations. They often perceive that other people in the organization, particularly those in management, don't understand their communities or the issues that they deal with.

In an integrative approach, multiculturalism is part of the lens through which all of the organization's work is viewed. The underlying assumption is that culture and difference impact all of the organization's work. Therefore, rather than relegating responsibility for being culturally responsive to a few "diverse" staff members, it is owned by the entire organization and embedded in multiple areas of work. In an integrative approach, multiculturalism is not limited to interactions between the organization and the population it serves, it is also germane to interactions internal to the organization. One crucial step in organizational transformation is establishing explicit values about multiculturalism and aligning key organizational players around those values.

Orientation toward People and Work - Another crucial aspect of transformation is in the view of and approach to people. Dominant organizational culture tends to treat people as "instruments" that perform tasks. Relationships are based upon performance of job function and people are viewed narrowly as task performers. The needs of individuals are often put aside in deference to the demands of the work. I have often heard from people in organizations I work with say that they feel undervalued and disempowered and don't have a voice. Non-managers often see managers as having all of the power. Those who are not in management roles are seen as subordinates with no real power.

In a transformed multicultural organization, people are seen and engaged as whole human beings and as agents of transformation. Each person has specific job responsibilities and is also valued for what they bring beyond their job description. Culturally diverse staff members, clients, community partners and volunteers are valued for the experiences and perspectives that they bring to the organization. For example, an administrative staff person may come from and live in a community being served by the organization. This person may have deep cultural knowledge and connections with key community institutions and leaders. There are opportunities for this staff member to share this knowledge and for organizational learning to take place.

As agents of transformation, staff members actively engage in sharing responsibility for creating open, collaborative patterns of communication. For example, many organizations I work with adopt guidelines for collaborative multicultural communication. These guidelines are utilized for staff meetings and people share responsibility for supporting each other to practicing them.

There is a culture of learning and a commitment to developing the leadership of both individuals and teams. The support of individuals is acknowledged as a crucial part of organizational sustainability. For example, one organization established support systems to enhance staff well-being in serving a highly distressed client population. This required that the organization transform its implicit view that "self-care" was low priority in contrast to serving clients. The transformed way of viewing people also extended to the organization's work with clients. Rather than viewing clients as helpless recipients of service, they were seen as whole human beings, capable of taking responsibility for their own lives. Another key element of multicultural transformation is defining the organization's orientation toward people and work and bringing its culture and practices into alignment with this orientation.

This article offers some ways to think about and approach multicultural organizational transformation. While it is not a blue-print for action, it suggests some steps that can be taken. These steps are not linear in nature and the different elements of transformation are interconnected. If you'd like to read more about MCOD, read Multicultural Organizational Development : A Resource for Health Equity or Multicultural Organizational Development in Nonprofit Organizations: Lessons from the Cultural Competence Learning Initiative.

For more information about my work, see my website or read past commentaries on my blog.

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address (www.mayenoconsulting.com) if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to e-mail me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Engaging Diverse Stakeholders in Coalitions

2011-01-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Laurin: How do you engage diverse stakeholders fully in a coalition? There are some groups based in communities of color in our coalition, but they don't have the staffing to participate consistently. Sometimes decision-making is held up because representatives aren't at the meetings when decisions need to be made. Any advice? Michelle

Dear Michelle: Thanks for bringing up an important concern. Though you raise the topic in the context of work with coalitions, it is also relevant to other organizations seeking to engage diverse participants. An underlying issue at play is the historical marginalization of communities of color and other groups from civic discourse and decision-making. Many communities have experienced both institutional neglect and intentional efforts to undermine community power. As a result, many communities lack developed infrastructures or resources to participate in coalitions or initiatives. They are often sought out by numerous coalitions and initiatives to "represent" their communities. We offer the following principles, questions and pitfalls to avoid.

1. Be clear about what you want to achieve by engaging diverse stakeholders. Some of the reasons for including diverse communities may be to:

Gain support and increase the impact and reach of the coalition
Learn from diverse perspectives on the issues the coalition is set up to address
Strengthen the voices of diverse communities in the community or policy change
Build mutually beneficial relationships that can be sustained over time
Strengthen leadership within the coalition so that it is more reflective of/responsive to diverse communities

It is useful to distinguish between the short-term goals of the coalition and long-term movement building goals. Long-term, the coalition may be interested in building a sustainable base of community power so that policies and decisions are community-responsive. Short-term, there may be a focus on a particular campaign or issue that requires involvement of as many communities as possible in order to achieve a "win".

Questions to explore:

How does engaging diverse stakeholders fit into your goals?
What do you hope to achieve in the short-term and long-term?

Pitfalls to avoid:

Trying to engage people without clarity about why you want to engage them
A tokenistic approach where you focus on "getting people to the table" without commitment to authentic partnership and learning

2. Invest in building relationships and trust. Recognize that long-term relationship building may be ultimately more important than the short-term goals of the coalition. Without building trust and shared ownership, community groups may feel used by the coalition to gain legitimacy or connections. Invest the time to talk with the groups you want to engage, understand them and learn about what they are committed to. Understand their strengths and what they bring to the community with their work. Explore how the coalition priorities intersect with their interests. Find out the best ways to engage them. For those who are already involved in the coalition, there may be opportunities to strengthen relationships based on common interests, authentic communication and mutual support. Be intentional about this relationship building in addition to the immediate tasks at hand.

Questions to explore:

What types of relationships exists with and among the different stakeholders?
What are different ways to strengthen those relationships and build trust?

Pitfalls to avoid:

A narrow focus on "getting people to the table", rather than partnership building
A paternalistic approach that doesn't recognize strengths
Unwillingness to hear any feedback that isn't positive
Overlooking the importance of relationship-building and focusing only on tasks
Focusing prematurely on the formal structure of the relationships

3. Recognize and work with different agendas and interests. Part of authenticity in partnerships is being transparent about interests. Usually, the organizations involved at a core level of a coalition have chosen to be involved because it helps them further their own goals. They may already be working on the issue and find added value in coming together with others. It is important for the core groups in the organization to be honest about their interests and how much they are willing to share power, resources and control.

The coalition agenda may or may not be a priority for the organizations you seek to engage. In other words, they may or may not have a stake in what the coalition is doing. Smaller organizations may be supportive of the coalition, but have other priorities, such as building their basic infrastructure and constituency. Recognize where the interests coalesce and where there is a common agenda. Recognize also the different agendas that drive participation/non-participation in the coalition.

Questions to explore:

What are the priorities of the different stakeholders you wish to engage?
What are the common interests?
Can involvement in the coalition add value for their work or help them achieve their goals?
Do the agendas of the dominant groups within the coalition get in the way?

Pitfalls to avoid:

Assuming that the coalition issue should be a priority for everyone or that people who don't engage are apathetic.
Allowing agendas of one or a few groups to dominate the coalition.

4. Explore different strategies for engaging communities. There are different ways to engage people and membership in the coalition may not be the best approach. Explore ways to involve people, depending upon your goals. Some coalitions have different levels of membership or ways for non-members to participate. If your goal is to be more informed by different perspectives, consider engaging people who don't have time to come to regular meetings as advisors. Key informant interviews could be a way to elicit their input. You may want to start with networking and gradually build towards more formal relationships, sharing of resources and decision-making. If your goal is to build community leadership, consider a community organizing approach. You may also want to consider a hybrid between coalition building and community organizing.

Questions to explore:

What are the best strategies and structures to reach your goals for engaging different stakeholders?
Are there other strategies, beyond coalition-building that might meet your needs?

Pitfalls to avoid:

Structuring the coalition in a way the makes it difficult for groups with fewer resources to participate
Restricting engagement strategies to coalition building

5. Build an inclusive coalition culture. As you're working towards bringing new leadership into the coalition, recognize that capacity building may be in order for the existing leadership. The coalition may have developed a culture or way of doing things that is not welcoming or inclusive to people from different backgrounds or with different languages. Get past the habitual ways that the dominant culture runs meetings and normalize diversity in how meetings are run. The best way to determine what would work is by learning from the communities you wish to engage. Consider the way the agenda is structured, as well as the timing and location of meetings. Training in cultural humility and/or multicultural communication may help participants understand their own cultural lens for viewing the work and be able to listen and engage with people with different perspectives and experiences.

Questions to explore:

Are there barriers to participation built in to the way the coalition is structured or how it conducts business?
What type of coalition culture would be most welcoming and inclusive to diverse groups?

Pitfalls to avoid:

Making assumptions about how to be inclusive without talking to the people you want to engage
Attachment to the "right" way to do things, leaving no room for exploration

6. Acknowledge and address differences in power and resources. Effective work across difference requires acknowledging and addressing power dynamics and differences in resources. The more "mainstream" organizations with more resources may dominate the process by default because they are the ones with staff time and resources to contribute. There may also be an insider/outsider dynamic if there are groups that have a long history of working together and new groups that don't share that history. Sometimes the actual substantive discussions happen informally, outside of meetings and the result is disenfranchisement of the newcomers. Groups who are used to calling the shots and doing most of the work may be reluctant to share power or resources with others.

Smaller, less resourced groups are not without power. For example, organizations based in particular communities may have the power to legitimize the coalition or leverage relationships to a particular base of people. They may also hold the power to hold up the process, by being absent when key decisions are made.

Building trust, and being explicit about how decisions will be made and how resources will be used can be one way to address these dynamics. There may also be an option of allocating some resources to "level the playing field" such as supporting smaller organizations to build their infrastructures or providing them with funding and technical assistance to support their participation. Local and national coalitions and initiatives have used this strategy successfully, particularly when there are grant funds available to support coalition work.

Questions to explore:

How do differences in power and resources impact the coalition and the partnerships between groups?
What are workable ways to navigate those differences and share power?
How can different groups in the coalition share their resources and strengths in a way that will benefit everyone?
Are there ways to invest resources to build infrastructure and support the participation of groups that have fewer resources?

Pitfalls to avoid:

Ignoring differences in power and resources and operating as if they don't exist.
Undervaluing the strengths of groups that have fewer resources
Bringing people to the table without sharing power
Allowing any group or clique to dominate the coalition

In conclusion, effective coalition building is strongly rooted in an understanding of and sensitivity to the dynamics of power and the practice of cultural humility. We offer these insights and tips with the full recognition that building collaborative partnerships that truly honor diversity can be both challenging and rewarding. It calls organizations and individual staff to reflect honestly and communicate authentically about interests and commitments, culture and difference. These discussions are essential to building effective coalitions, powerful partnerships and responsive and inclusive policies and systems.

Laurin Mayeno, Mayeno Consulting
Galen Ellis, El-Askari Consulting

More Resources - Here are a few resources on coalition building that you might find helpful:
Developing Coalitions: An Eight-Step Guide, Prevention Institute
The C ommunity Toolbox
Wisconsin Clearinghouse for Prevention Resources

For more information about my work, see my website or read past commentaries on my blog.

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address (www.mayenoconsulting.com) if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to e-mail me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Celebrating Community, Leadership and Learning: Reflections on 2010

2010-12-21T08:02:00.000-08:00

Seasons Greetings!

As 2010 draws to a close, I'm reflecting on what there is to celebrate and what I've learned. I'm celebrating being part of a community full of committed, talented and passionate people. I'm also celebrating the diversity of experiences I have had in work and life and the many rich lessons I've learned along the way. Here are a few "Lessons from the Field" that I found particularly valuable in 2010.

"An ounce of practice is worth more than ten tons of preaching." Mahatma Gandhi

1. Practice behaviors you are looking for in others. A team I worked with wanted to improve services for their culturally diverse community. Their strategy was to conduct a series of interactive workshops with staff. The desired outcome of the workshops was that staffwould communicate with clients and each other about issues of difference. There wasn't much interaction in the first few workshops, so the team was concerned that they weren't having the desired impact.

The team members reflected on what was happening and realized that they were not "being the change" they hoped to make in the organization. They recognized that they could play a pivotal role by practicing the behaviors they expected of others. In the next workshop, they began sharing their own experiences and perspectives about race, class, gender, sexual orientation and other differences. They then began to notice a difference in the group dynamics. Once people saw the value in this type of dialogue, others began to engage. Soon, they were having substantive dialogue and using communication tools they had learned. They respectfully shared and listened to very different views about controversial issues. It was sometimes uncomfortable and things didn't always go smoothly, which leads to the second lesson...

"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." A.A. Milne

2. Change can be messy. When I first started practicing flip turns in the swimming pool, I was clumsy and I often ended up with water up my nose. It took me a long time to get them right and I had to be willing to look bad in order to get better at it. This experience was also a great reminder that learning new things takes a willingness to let things get messy. I remind myself of this lesson in my work with organizations. I am constantly trying on new approaches in the workshops I do. They don't always go over the way I want them to. But, my willingness to experiment has allowed me to develop new and powerful curriculum that I would not otherwise have. If we expect things to go smoothly all the time, we may be disappointed. But, if we allow for twists and turns along the way, we can be patient with ourselves and continue moving forward. We can also experience discomfort as a valuable part of the process, which is my next lesson...

"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." Audre Lorde

3. There is tension in creativity. I often remind myself that tension is a natural and very useful part of a creative process. In one organization, staff members recognized that their tendency to avoid conflict got in the way of full self-expression and dialogue. People in leadership made a concerned effort to begin expressing their concerns more openly, using communication tools and guidelines they were learning. This new behavior required a willingness to take risks was sometimes uncomfortable and upsetting. Their willingness to experience tension had many beneficial results. The organization has since made exciting advances in their programs, services and staffing and is a much more dynamic place to work.

In closing, I hope you find some value in the lessons I've shared. I wish you a peaceful and happy winter season and much joy and creative discovery in the new year!

Laurin Mayeno

Mayeno Consulting

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Creating Safety for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer People

2010-10-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

The recent wave of suicides of young gay teenagers has impacted me deeply and prompted the subject matter for this month's post. This post is dedicated to the people who have lost their lives or been injured as a result of anti-LGBTQ harassment or violence and the people who love them. I have enlisted the support of my niece Belia Mayeno Saavedra, a long-time youth educator, to help me think and write about these issues. Thank you Belia!

Our goal is to foster dialogue and action among non-profit, public and philanthropic organizations. As we write, we hold a vision of a world where people of all sexual orientations, gender identities and gender expressions are safe and valued for who they are. In my work with non-profit organizations I have heard from staff members who don't feel safe being open about their LGBTQ identity in their work places. In a multicultural workshop for a public organization, a participant gasped in dismay when I disclosed that my son was gay. Staff from a child development program told me that a parent complained viciously after their daughter read a book about a child with same-sex parents. These are a few of many signals that there is much work to be done and there are many opportunities for non-profit, public and philanthropic organizations to make a difference.

Safety for LGBTQ people is relevant to all organizations that have people in them, provide direct services or are in any way part of the public discourse. While child and youth serving organizations may be most directly impacted, this topic is profoundly relevant to others. The recent suicides are not just about LGBTQ young people or the people that bully and reject them. This issue is about all of us as part of families and communities. It is about all of us as part of a society that perpetuates rigid rules about gender and sexual orientation and uses harassment and violence against those who don't comply. Here are some things that we can do:

1. Recognize the issue and its impact. The deaths of our young people are stark reminders that harassment and violence against lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people is a serious issue with deadly consequences. LGBTQ people face bullying, harassment, violence and rejection all the time and youth suicide among LGBTQ is not a new phenomenon. This cruelty is aimed at anyone who is perceived to be LGBTQ or who doesn't dress and act according to social rules for boys or girls, men or women. Bullying creates an unsafe environment for all children.

2. Acknowledge and build community strength and power. There is another side to this story that often goes untold. It is the story of the resilience and power of LGBTQ people of all ages. It is the friends, parents, brothers, sisters and grandparents who stand by their LGBTQ family members. It is the many people and organizations working to build safer schools, inclusive congregations, end violence, strengthen family support, change discriminatory policies and transform community attitudes. It is the hundreds of thousands of people who wore purple on October 20th and many who have marched, rallied and campaigned, been imprisoned and faced brutality and death to win basic rights for LGBTQ people. It is also the perpetrators of violence who have accounted for their violent actions and learned how to be empowered without dominating others. Recognize the resilience and power among LGBTQ youth and support them in building that power. Explore ways to build on and tap into the strengths in your community. Discover and share resources, a sampling of which are listed below.

3. Break the silence. Discuss how your organization can contribute to creating safe and inclusive spaces for LGBTQ people. There are many different ways to start conversations about the issues. There are articles, films and other resources you can use as a jumping off point for the discussion. If you work with youth, ask about their experiences and learn how this issue impacts them. Learn from their experiences ways that you can strengthen your programs. Foster dialogue among youth to build bridges of understanding. If you don't work with youth, consider other ways that this issue might relate to your organization and its work. For example, have you created an environment that is inclusive and safe for LGBTQ people who may work there? Do you have a way to address incidents of mistreatment in the workplace?

4. Look at messages you are sending (or not sending). LGBTQ people face an onslaught of messages from our society and culture that something is gravely wrong with them. It makes a difference to get accepting and inclusive messages from adults, family members and peers.

If you serve young children, be aware that young people get messages about gender and orientation from a very young age. They learn the rules very early on regarding what it means to "act like a boy" or "act like a girl". They may get teased and they may get pressured in subtle and not-so-subtle ways to conform to societal norms. Whether we are perpetuating an overt act of violence, telling a boy "don't be a sissy" or discouraging a girl from being too strong we are participating in the enforcement of gender roles that are not naturally determined, but socially defined. This pressure often comes from well-meaning parents who want their children to conform in order to fit in and be accepted. Well intentioned or not, this gender policing creates the social environment where people hurt others.

Regardless of what age group you work with, be aware of the messages you are sending in your communications, actions, and interactions. Are you silent on the issue? For example, do images in your brochures include people who are LGBTQ? If you do education, does your curriculum address issues of gender and sexual orientation? If you use language based on heterosexual norms, you may be unintentionally sending negative messages. For example, automatically referring to a woman's partner as a "husband" or "boyfriend" sends a message that heterosexuality is the expected norm, while same-sex relationships are not.

5. Create structures for support. Move beyond acceptance to valuing and celebrating LGBTQ young people for who they are as individuals and for their courage and resilience in breaking out of gender norms. In programming, encourage people to access parts of themselves that they are taught to shut down. Structures of support can take a number of forms, including formal support groups, training curriculum, organizational policies and communication practices. Gender neutral bathrooms are also an important way to make your environment a safer space for LGBTQ people.

6. Connect the dots. The dialogue around anti-LGBTQ bullying can open up space for discussions about how we can transform our culture and make it safer for everyone. In her work, Belia has witnessed young people transform their attitudes and behaviors as they make connections between different forms of violence and systems of domination. Explore the roots of anti-LGBTQ violence. Learn more about gender, how it is socially constructed and perpetuated and how to transform it. Ask questions and keep the dialogue going.

7. Take action now and commit to the long haul. There are many ways we can make a difference right now in work with organizations, institutions, youth, families and communities. The Making it Better Project has tips for both youth and adults.

It will also take a long-term commitment to transform deeply embedded cultural patterns, social norms and systems, starting with our selves. We can make a difference by doing the ongoing work to end violence and domination at all levels of our society. We can save lives and create a world with safety, justice and freedom for everyone.

Thank you for reading!

Laurin Mayeno, Mayeno Consulting

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Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Resources:

Thanks to friends and colleagues who have recommended resources to include in this newsletter. Here is a sampling of resources and information that is by no means comprehensive:

API Family Pride
The Brown Boi Project
COLAGE Youth Leadership and Action Program
Community United Against Violence
Groundspark
GSA Network
The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
Lyric
Our Family Coalition
Outlet
PFLAG
California Safe Schools Coalition
Somos Familia
Trans Youth Equality Foundation
Trans Youth Family Allies
Yes Institute
Family Acceptance Project

Make It Better Project
Welcoming Schools
Five Ways To Stop Bullying
Today's Love: He's My Little Brother
Groundspark Responds to Tragic News of Teen Suicides
Out & Equal Workspace Resources
Straight For Equality... in the Workplace
Get the Scoop on Creating a Gay-Friendly Workspace
Straight For Equality... In Healthcare
La Mission The Movie

Responding to Tensions in the Community

2010-09-20T18:24:00.001-07:00

Dear Laurin,

Our organization serves people from different ages and backgrounds in the same facility. Cutbacks in services have resulted in increased tension in the community we serve. Recently we have had some conflict over the use of space for program activities. In one incident, an older White male community member told a group of male youth of color to leave a recreational space so he could use it. When they did not leave immediately, he called one of the youth a _______ (overtly racist term). We have already taken measures to make sure that this individual does not repeat the offense. We had conversations with all of the youth involved and their parents. What else can we do to respond to this incident as an opportunity for shared learning and strengthen our commitment to multiculturalism? We want to address the issue in our community while protecting the confidentiality of the individuals who were involved.

"Jackie"

Dear Jackie,

Thank you for sharing this challenge. My colleague, Robin Tucker, has assisted me in writing this response. Tensions related to culture, power and difference often bubble under the surface in organizations, even if they aren't acknowledged. When they come out into the open, there is an opportunity to respond, rather than react. For example, you may choose to renew your commitment to creating an environment where everyone is welcome, respected and safe. You may also make a commitment to strengthening connections and understanding between different groups within the community you serve. Here are some ideas we would like to offer:

Send a clear message. It is important for the agency to send a clear message to the community that it is taking this incident seriously and is committed to providing a safe environment for all people who are part of the community served. A foremost concern is the safety of the young people who were targeted in this incident. The safety of all people, particularly those who are most likely to be harassed or mistreated, should also be considered.

Engage the people who were directly involved. Talk to the youth and their families as well as the staff involved and explore how to work together to create a safe environment for young people of color. It is important not to treat the youth as victims, but to engage them as valued partners. Make clear commitments regarding what you will do as an agency.

Create an opportunity for forgiveness and dialogue. It is important to remember that we have all been influenced by the "isms" in society. None of us are completely "above" being racist, sexist, classist, heterosexist, ageist, etc. While racist behavior should not be tolerated, it is important to create an environment where people are not vilified for showing their "isms". South Africa has given us an example of reconciliation in an intensely racist environment. Consider that reconciliation is possible and can be very powerful. Listen to all perspectives without labeling the person who made the racist statement the "bad guy". Is there willingness on his part to grow and learn? If he is willing to take responsibility for his actions and understand the impact on the youth, the hurtful experience could potentially be turned into a positive one.

Build staff capacity to respond proactively. Find out from the staff members who were involved what support they need. Were they personally impacted or triggered? Did they have knowledge and skills to deal with the incident? Are there clear policies to guide the agency response? Is there training that might build staff capacity and confidence in responding to such incidents? What is staff role in fostering multicultural understanding so that people in the community treat each other with respect?

Clarify organizational policies and values. Does the agency have explicit values and policies around multiculturalism and respectful conduct towards all people? If not, here's an opportunity to create them. If you have values and policies, revisit them and renew your commitment at all levels of the agency. If the Board of Directors, managers and staff engage in theses discussions, you will learn from multiple perspectives and encourage shared responsibility for implementation. Make sure that everyone is aware of the agency commitments and able to implement them. Discuss how you can be more proactive in bringing your values to the work and the community you serve.

Engage the community in dialogue. Consider conducting a dialogue to engage staff and community in learning and sharing responsibility for building a safe, respectful environment for all people. You may wish to mention that a few things have happened that are of concern (incidents where race, gender, age have been a factor) without focusing on a specific incident. Talk about how to be a successful multicultural community. Do some deep thinking together about systemic issues that impact the community. Discuss how people in the community want to relate to each other. Here are some examples of questions to discuss:
• How do we create an environment where we value what everyone brings?
• How do we create an environment were we acknowledge and overcome fear of the others because they are different?

Get the support you need. Finally, the leaders in your organization have been given a tremendous opportunity for learning and growth. Practice self-awareness. Be aware of your own reactions, thoughts, feelings and needs. Recognize and seek the support you need in navigating this journey.

All our best to you!

Laurin Mayeno, Mayeno Consulting
Robin Tucker, The Proper Angle

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog post. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Overcoming Silos to Build a Multicultural Organization

2010-08-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Laurin,

During the past decade my organization received funding that enabled us to hire staff for targeted outreach and direct service to Latina and African American communities. While this has greatly expanded our service delivery in these communities, it has also created silos among these programs and inhibited the sharing of learning, support and best practices across all programs. We are an organization with a small staff and a large base of volunteers. How can we work to overcome these silos and build a multicultural organization where all paid and unpaid service providers share learnings and support each other?

"Pamela"

Dear Pamela,

Thanks for bringing up an issue that impacts many organizations. Your situation highlights that the presence of diverse staff in an organization does not automatically lead to strong multicultural working relationships. There are great opportunities for learning, growth and stronger performance when people come together across program area and job function.

Silos often develop within organizations regardless of whether there are ethnic-specific programs. Silos happen when the program or department develops an identity of its own without a strong shared identification with the organization and its mission. Silos may be seen as a reflection of a tendency to develop organizations as sets of separate functions, rather than communities of people working together. In this era of shrinking resources tensions may build as people within these silos worry about the sustainability of their jobs and the work that they do.

As you mentioned, there is great value in having programs and staff who focus in specific communities. It allows you to tailor your outreach and provide linguistically and cultural responsive services. The challenge you mention often occurs when the people in these programs do not fully support one another. For example, one organization had a sole staff person whose job was to provide support services for the Latino community. She found herself isolated and overwhelmed in her efforts to support people who were dealing with a life threatening illness, often with limited economic resources and access to care. In the organization, each person's job was seen as a separate function, so there was nobody else in the organization responsible for supporting her. In situations like this, social divisions and inequities based on race, class, gender, language or other differences may be further exacerbated.

The good news is that organizations such as yours have tremendous potential to build community and multicultural connections based on a shared mission. Below, I will outline a few principles and examples of how this can occur.

1. Create an identity that fosters shared ownership. One key to building a cohesive organization is shifting the way people think about the organization, it's work and the people involved. In one organization the people recognized that their role was not just to provide services within their individual program areas; it also entailed building a supportive healing community. They began to ask for and provide support for each other across program areas. The staff also shifted the way they thought about volunteers. Rather than thinking of volunteers as people who helped the staff do their work, they began viewing them as people who were invested in the organization and were an integral part of the work. This shift in thinking occurred in their language and ways of talking about and conceptualizing their work and themselves. It also developed through activities where people engaged with the organization came together across program area and function to interact and learn from each other.

2. Build authentic relationships among people as an integral part of the work. In one organization, the staff recognized that their work required relationship building amongst themselves as well as with the people they served. They set a goal of strengthening communication in the organization and began building the capacity and openness to communicate amongst themselves. They practiced using guidelines for multicultural communication, taking risks and "getting real" with each other. This was possible because of a shift in thinking (Principle 1, above); they recognized that their relationship building was a crucial part of their work. The relationship built among staff built a foundation to model authentic communication with volunteers, board members and community partners.

3. Establish ongoing forums for shared learning, growth and community building. One organization conducted a series of dialogues involving staff, board and volunteers. Through these dialogues they built connections among people who had been functioning in separate silos. Interpretation was provided to enable people to communicate across different languages. People who were part of the organization and its community had the opportunity to share experiences from their work, explore commonalities and differences, and learn from each other. These forums provide an opportunity for building a sense of shared community among the people who are actively engaged with the organization as well as the broader communities they serve. They recognized the importance of BOTH maintaining distinct program areas and support for different populations AND building bridges across difference to create a multicultural community.

In these tough economic times, many organizations are rethinking how they do their work. I have had the privilege of working with several organizations that are maintaining a steadfast commitment to multicultural principles in the face of uncertainty and loss. While challenging, these times may also present opportunities to develop new ways of working that unify organizations and the people they interact with. Most non-profit and public organizations are concerned with issues of health, well-being and quality of life. When organizations build authentic communication and connection they can bring this to the communities they serve. By conceptualizing community building, learning and relationship building as integral to the organization's work we can build healthier, more sustainable organizations and communities.

All my best to you and the amazing people you work with!

Laurin

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog post. f you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that sends me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Transforming Communication: When Breakdowns become Breakthroughs

2010-07-21T00:11:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,

I didn't start out my consultant business with a focus on communication. This focus grew as a result of a steady stream of communication breakdowns over the years: conflicts with people being targeted and blamed, people complaining that they weren't being heard, concerns about lack of transparency, people avoiding difficult conversations, tensions resulting from different communication styles...and so on. I saw that these breakdowns could have a devastating impact on the people, their morale and their work. I also saw that when communication works, it can transform an individual, a team and an entire organization!

Over the past several years, communication has become a cornerstone of my work. In this month's "Lessons from the Field", I share my top 5 lessons on communication breakdowns and breakthroughs. I am deeply grateful to, and inspired by, the many people I have worked with and learned from. Special thanks go to my colleagues Loretta Hobbs of O-Neal Hobbs Associates and Françoise Spaulding-Keller for their valuable input. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address (www.mayenoconsulting.com) if you pass it on to others.

LESSON 1: Communication breakdowns happen. A breakdown is when something doesn't work. If we start by accepting and expecting that breakdowns will happen, we will be less likely to react with dismay. Breakdowns may happen for a number of reasons. For example, when an organization expands, communication processes that once worked may not work anymore. If people have very different ways of looking at the world or different styles of communication, misunderstandings are bound to occur. The rapid changes in technology add different methods of communicating to the mix. In short, don't be surprised if something isn't working in communication.

LESSON 2: Problem-solving doesn't transform communication. When I started out with a problem-solving approach, I noticed that people (myself included) were defensive and seemed to suffer through the process. Focusing attention on fixing a problem did not inspire people. People often felt bad about themselves and each other. Shifting away from problem-solving doesn't mean ignoring challenges. We can acknowledge the challenges AND frame them as opportunities. For example, conflicts about tone of voice, office noise levels or how people respond to requests may impede productivity and teambuilding and decrease job satisfaction. They may also provide rich opportunities to learn about different communication styles, enhance working relationships and develop strategies that meet everyone's needs.

LESSON 3: Where there's a breakdown, a breakthrough is possible. When communication gets challenging, people are often driven by anger and fear; their outlook about the future tends towards gloom and doom. An alternative way of looking at breakdowns is to see them as "pre-breakthrough moments" or moments of creative tension. For an organization with confusion about expectations, there may be an opportunity to break through the confusion to clarify roles and model transparency. For the organization an employee makes an offensive remark, the organization may be ready to break through a pattern of tolerating intolerance and become a model of respect and appreciation. When we see the opportunity for a breakthrough in the breakdown, we can generate energy and open up space for exploration.

LESSON 4: Where you stand (figuratively speaking) makes all the difference. Our stance towards the situation and the people is pivotal in how we move through a communication breakdown. In a competitive communication model, there are winners and losers, who are either "right" or "wrong" and we are more interested in surviving than in truly understanding one another. Our stance may be to fight, avoid discomfort, or give in (surrender). In this model, you can't win unless someone else loses. In a collaborative communication model the goal is to come together and strengthen mutual understanding, based on commitment to the relationship. This model only works if we take a stance of generosity with ourselves and towards others. We can choose to assume positive intent and understand the experiences and needs of everyone, without judgment. New agreements can be reached that work for everyone.

LESSON 5: Breakthroughs start with the willingness to try on new communication practices. It doesn't work to sit back and wonder why everyone else isn't communicating. The more we are willing to open up and communicate authentically, the more we make it okay for others to do so. The most transformative moments I have seen in organizations are when individuals takes that risk, speak authentically from their own experience, without shaming or blaming and are truly heard by others. In these moments, trust becomes possible where trust was broken. People step up and take responsibility for the impact their actions have had. People are able to hear each other's needs and requests without defending or judging. People discover deep compassion and connection to one another and value, rather than survive, their working relationships.

August Workshops - This article has touched briefly on a few lessons from my practice. If you are interested in learning more, please consider participating in the August 11 workshop on "Authentic Communication for Empowered Teams" , offered by CompassPoint Nonprofit Services or attending the August 31 workshop on "Courageous Conversations Around Culture, Power and Difference" offered in partnership with Featherston & Associates as part of CompassPoint's Nonprofit Day.

Thanks for reading!

Laurin
Mayeno Consulting

Balancing Flexibility and Accountability in Working Relationships

2010-06-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

Below is a "Dear Laurin" submitted by a colleague from one of the organizations I work with. The names have been changed to protect confidentiality, but the situation is real. I work in partnership with other consultants to provide the best combination of experience and skills for my clients. Thanks to Jacqueline Elena Featherston of Featherston & Associates for her partnership on this blog entry. Thanks also to Adele James, Amiko Mayeno and Dawna Vann for their valuable input.

If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

Laurin

Mayeno Consulting

Dear Laurin,

How do I, as a leader of a non-profit organization and a person of color be an ally to other cultures and remain firm and clear about our organization's guidelines and expectation of staff performance? In this particular situation, I am an Asian American woman and supervisor. The staff member (we'll call her Lisa) is an African American woman employee who is often late to work. There is some flexibility in the schedule, where she can set her own schedule and show up for that schedule. However, recently, the schedule keeps changing and she is unable to be present in the organization. This has caused some communication break down and the work ends up falling on me.

Any suggestions on how I can be firm in communicating my concerns and at the same time not make this employee feel isolated?

Anita

Dear Anita,

Thank you for this very intriguing question. Your situation brings out important issues of flexibility, accountability, culture, race, power and communication that are often arise in nonprofits. Non-profit managers often see situations like this as problems to be solved. If we shift our approach, we can find great opportunities to learn, grow and build stronger working relationships. In the spirit of partnership, I have enlisted the support my colleague, Jacqueline Elena Featherston in responding to your question.

First, let's talk about flexibility and accountability. A nonprofit functions best when everyone is accountable for their part in the important work it is set up to do. Many nonprofits also try to be flexible to accommodate people's different life circumstances and cultures. Flexibility and accountability are not mutually exclusive.

Clear expectations are needed in order to have accountability. Breakdowns often occur when there is confusion about expectations. The organization may be unclear about its policies or how flexible to be in implementing them. Supervisors may be uncomfortable with their responsibility to set and communicate clear expectations and consequences.

Expectations should be designed to help the organization and team function effectively. If expectations are not clear, you may want to engage in conversation about what norms would best serve BOTH individual and organizational needs. There may be greater staff buy in and mutual accountability if staff members participate in a process of creating shared expectations.

Second, it is important to acknowledge that dynamics of difference related to race, culture, age, class, gender, orientation and other variables are constantly at play in nonprofits. A first step as a cross-cultural ally is self-assessment. The following are some areas of self-reflection that may be useful:

What baggage might you be bringing to the table that gets in the way? Are you uncomfortable with the race dynamic as an Asian American supervising an African American? Are there other dynamics, such as class or age at play? Have you been engaging in "dysfunctional rescuing" or "helping" the staff person in a way that sets her up to fail?* What can you acknowledge and take responsibility for?

Be aware that Lisa and you may see and experience things differently through each of your "cultural lenses". For example, the relationship you each have to time and timeliness may be different. Flexibility and knowledge about cultural relationship to “clock” time can allow you to frame a conversation that respects difference AND emphasizes your organizational norms and expectations around punctuality.

Third, open and clear communication is absolutely essential. The key to this communication is your commitment or stand. As an ally, the starting place for the communication must be your commitment to the success of the employee AND the organization's success. It is likely that the employee shares this same commitment. You may need more than one conversation to get things moving forward. Here are four topic areas that may be useful to discuss:

1. Sharing concerns
2. Clarifying needs and expectations
3. Supporting the employee in meeting expectations
4. Clarifying consequences if the expectations are not met

The following communications guidelines may also be useful for your conversation:

1. Listen generously - Focus on what you are both committed to.
Crucial to the success of your conversation is supporting Lisa's sense of inclusion by asking questions and understanding her experience and perspective. It indicates a humility and willingness to learn that is often appreciated. It creates a place for authenticity and self-disclosure.

2. Check out any assumptions - Ask questions to clarify and assumptions you may have about Lisa’s behavior or intent. You may find that something is occurring that results in the tardiness and absences from the office that needs to be addressed.

3. Model accountability - Be accountable for your role, if any, in the breakdown. Let the employee know what she can expect you to do differently in the future.

4. Be clear about what you see and what you expect and why. Focus on what is workable, without making it a moral issue of right/wrong. The clearer and more specific your observations, the easier it is for the person to understand exactly what it is about her behavior, rather than her personality that concerns you. Make it clear what your expectations are and underscore that you are committed to supporting her success.

In closing, this is an opportunity for you and Lisa to recommit to the organization and working relationship with renewed confidence and clarity. Don't be surprised if it sometimes feels uncomfortable or gets messy. This is part of the process when trying on new ways of communicating. Thanks for giving us an opportunity to engage with you on this rich and challenging topic!

Laurin and Jacqueline Elena
www.mayenoconsulting.com

*Visions, Inc. does some very valuable work on the dynamics of modern oppression and internalized oppression. This article discusses dysfunctional rescuing and other behaviors in greater detail.

Welcome to Mayeno Consulting's First Blog

2010-05-19T09:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Welcome to my blog and my first blog entry. Below is a sample "Dear Laurin". I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to the organization that sends me the "Dear Laurin" letter that I use for my June commentary. Enjoy reading!

Laurin

P.S. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others, please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting. Thanks!
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Dear Laurin,

The issue of "safety" keeps coming up in our staff meetings. Our cultural competence committee has tried to engage people in dialogue with mixed results. Some people say they don't feel safe to talk about issues of culture and difference. There are usually only a few people who speak, and most people sit back in silence. Any ideas for how to address this challenge?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Congratulations to you and your organization for taking steps to engage in open communication! With open communication, everyone in the organization can share ideas and insights to shape the organization, programs and services. There is great benefit in hearing insights into what is working well and what else can be done to maximize effectiveness. People also need to feel that their voices are heard and that they are being treated respectfully and fairly. Open communication also allows people to learn from disagreements and conflicts and develop greater understanding and appreciation of one another. So, why do people feel unsafe? What can we do to make a difference?

It's important to acknowledge social context. Organizations are in many ways reflections of our larger societal culture, in which communicating about culture and difference is not the norm. Dynamics of culture and difference are at play all the time, but we rarely talk about them. These topics are generally seen as "undiscussable". Therefore, your organization is working against societal norms, breaking silences and creating new norms.

Our society also operates with a norm of competitive communication. Most of us learn to view disagreements as threats and to see things from an "either/or" "right/wrong" perspective. We are conditioned to deal with differences by avoiding, fighting or giving in. We are also taught not to challenge people in authority. These patterns of responding to difference leave little room to receive the gifts of learning available to us when differences are surfaced.

Another obstacle in the organizations I have worked with is fear of negative consequences. There is often a perception in organizations that people who speak up will face negative repercussions, which may be as extreme as losing their jobs or being passed over for promotion. People may also fear being judged, socially isolated or dismissed. Here are some questions to consider:

How do people in the organization respond to concerns about how the organization addresses culture, race, gender or other differences? Are the concerns taken seriously? Do people in leadership roles listen openly and non-defensively? Is the person labeled as "too sensitive" or " a complainer"? Is there a policy to protect people who raise these issues from negative repercussions?

Is there an atmosphere of judgment where people are judged for being "too politically correct" or "not politically correct enough"? What type of climate do you want to create in the organization so that people will feel free to raise their concerns and contribute their ideas?

Here are a few things that have worked for organizations I work with. Each organization is different, so think about what might work for you:

1. Be open and intentional about creating an environment that welcomes different perspectives. Be clear on why you want to have open communication. People will be more likely to open up if they understand the benefits for the communities you serve and the work environment.

2. Model open communication at the leadership level. Make it a practice to take space and take time to stop and listen. Listen deeply to what people are saying, without judging. Make sure that they know they are being heard. Acknowledge people for taking risks and bringing up tough issues.

3. Adopt and practice communications guidelines to foster open communication. Include a "no repercussions" guideline. Make sure that staff members know where to go if they feel that the guideline is being violated.

4. Establish a clear, transparent process for responding to the issues that are raised. Build trust by being open about what you can and can't do to address the issue. Work together to address issues rather than expecting managers to address all concerns.

It may take time and a concerted effort to "unlearn" old patterns and establish new ones. Don't forget to acknowledge and celebrate small victories. Your commitment makes a difference!

Laurin
www.mayenoconsulting.com
Mayeno Consulting, May 2010