Celebrating Community, Leadership and Learning: Reflections on 2010

Seasons Greetings!

As 2010 draws to a close, I'm reflecting on what there is to celebrate and what I've learned. I'm celebrating being part of a community full of committed, talented and passionate people. I'm also celebrating the diversity of experiences I have had in work and life and the many rich lessons I've learned along the way. Here are a few "Lessons from the Field" that I found particularly valuable in 2010.

"An ounce of practice is worth more than ten tons of preaching." Mahatma Gandhi

1. Practice behaviors you are looking for in others. A team I worked with wanted to improve services for their culturally diverse community. Their strategy was to conduct a series of interactive workshops with staff. The desired outcome of the workshops was that staffwould communicate with clients and each other about issues of difference. There wasn't much interaction in the first few workshops, so the team was concerned that they weren't having the desired impact.

The team members reflected on what was happening and realized that they were not "being the change" they hoped to make in the organization. They recognized that they could play a pivotal role by practicing the behaviors they expected of others. In the next workshop, they began sharing their own experiences and perspectives about race, class, gender, sexual orientation and other differences. They then began to notice a difference in the group dynamics. Once people saw the value in this type of dialogue, others began to engage. Soon, they were having substantive dialogue and using communication tools they had learned. They respectfully shared and listened to very different views about controversial issues. It was sometimes uncomfortable and things didn't always go smoothly, which leads to the second lesson...

"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." A.A. Milne

2. Change can be messy. When I first started practicing flip turns in the swimming pool, I was clumsy and I often ended up with water up my nose. It took me a long time to get them right and I had to be willing to look bad in order to get better at it. This experience was also a great reminder that learning new things takes a willingness to let things get messy. I remind myself of this lesson in my work with organizations. I am constantly trying on new approaches in the workshops I do. They don't always go over the way I want them to. But, my willingness to experiment has allowed me to develop new and powerful curriculum that I would not otherwise have. If we expect things to go smoothly all the time, we may be disappointed. But, if we allow for twists and turns along the way, we can be patient with ourselves and continue moving forward. We can also experience discomfort as a valuable part of the process, which is my next lesson...

"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." Audre Lorde

3. There is tension in creativity. I often remind myself that tension is a natural and very useful part of a creative process. In one organization, staff members recognized that their tendency to avoid conflict got in the way of full self-expression and dialogue. People in leadership made a concerned effort to begin expressing their concerns more openly, using communication tools and guidelines they were learning. This new behavior required a willingness to take risks was sometimes uncomfortable and upsetting. Their willingness to experience tension had many beneficial results. The organization has since made exciting advances in their programs, services and staffing and is a much more dynamic place to work.

In closing, I hope you find some value in the lessons I've shared. I wish you a peaceful and happy winter season and much joy and creative discovery in the new year!

Laurin Mayeno

Mayeno Consulting

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Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Creating Safety for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer People

The recent wave of suicides of young gay teenagers has impacted me deeply and prompted the subject matter for this month's post. This post is dedicated to the people who have lost their lives or been injured as a result of anti-LGBTQ harassment or violence and the people who love them. I have enlisted the support of my niece Belia Mayeno Saavedra, a long-time youth educator, to help me think and write about these issues. Thank you Belia!

Our goal is to foster dialogue and action among non-profit, public and philanthropic organizations. As we write, we hold a vision of a world where people of all sexual orientations, gender identities and gender expressions are safe and valued for who they are. In my work with non-profit organizations I have heard from staff members who don't feel safe being open about their LGBTQ identity in their work places. In a multicultural workshop for a public organization, a participant gasped in dismay when I disclosed that my son was gay. Staff from a child development program told me that a parent complained viciously after their daughter read a book about a child with same-sex parents. These are a few of many signals that there is much work to be done and there are many opportunities for non-profit, public and philanthropic organizations to make a difference.

Safety for LGBTQ people is relevant to all organizations that have people in them, provide direct services or are in any way part of the public discourse. While child and youth serving organizations may be most directly impacted, this topic is profoundly relevant to others. The recent suicides are not just about LGBTQ young people or the people that bully and reject them. This issue is about all of us as part of families and communities. It is about all of us as part of a society that perpetuates rigid rules about gender and sexual orientation and uses harassment and violence against those who don't comply. Here are some things that we can do:

1. Recognize the issue and its impact. The deaths of our young people are stark reminders that harassment and violence against lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people is a serious issue with deadly consequences. LGBTQ people face bullying, harassment, violence and rejection all the time and youth suicide among LGBTQ is not a new phenomenon. This cruelty is aimed at anyone who is perceived to be LGBTQ or who doesn't dress and act according to social rules for boys or girls, men or women. Bullying creates an unsafe environment for all children.

2. Acknowledge and build community strength and power. There is another side to this story that often goes untold. It is the story of the resilience and power of LGBTQ people of all ages. It is the friends, parents, brothers, sisters and grandparents who stand by their LGBTQ family members. It is the many people and organizations working to build safer schools, inclusive congregations, end violence, strengthen family support, change discriminatory policies and transform community attitudes. It is the hundreds of thousands of people who wore purple on October 20th and many who have marched, rallied and campaigned, been imprisoned and faced brutality and death to win basic rights for LGBTQ people. It is also the perpetrators of violence who have accounted for their violent actions and learned how to be empowered without dominating others. Recognize the resilience and power among LGBTQ youth and support them in building that power. Explore ways to build on and tap into the strengths in your community. Discover and share resources, a sampling of which are listed below.

3. Break the silence. Discuss how your organization can contribute to creating safe and inclusive spaces for LGBTQ people. There are many different ways to start conversations about the issues. There are articles, films and other resources you can use as a jumping off point for the discussion. If you work with youth, ask about their experiences and learn how this issue impacts them. Learn from their experiences ways that you can strengthen your programs. Foster dialogue among youth to build bridges of understanding. If you don't work with youth, consider other ways that this issue might relate to your organization and its work. For example, have you created an environment that is inclusive and safe for LGBTQ people who may work there? Do you have a way to address incidents of mistreatment in the workplace?

4. Look at messages you are sending (or not sending). LGBTQ people face an onslaught of messages from our society and culture that something is gravely wrong with them. It makes a difference to get accepting and inclusive messages from adults, family members and peers.

If you serve young children, be aware that young people get messages about gender and orientation from a very young age. They learn the rules very early on regarding what it means to "act like a boy" or "act like a girl". They may get teased and they may get pressured in subtle and not-so-subtle ways to conform to societal norms. Whether we are perpetuating an overt act of violence, telling a boy "don't be a sissy" or discouraging a girl from being too strong we are participating in the enforcement of gender roles that are not naturally determined, but socially defined. This pressure often comes from well-meaning parents who want their children to conform in order to fit in and be accepted. Well intentioned or not, this gender policing creates the social environment where people hurt others.

Regardless of what age group you work with, be aware of the messages you are sending in your communications, actions, and interactions. Are you silent on the issue? For example, do images in your brochures include people who are LGBTQ? If you do education, does your curriculum address issues of gender and sexual orientation? If you use language based on heterosexual norms, you may be unintentionally sending negative messages. For example, automatically referring to a woman's partner as a "husband" or "boyfriend" sends a message that heterosexuality is the expected norm, while same-sex relationships are not.

5. Create structures for support. Move beyond acceptance to valuing and celebrating LGBTQ young people for who they are as individuals and for their courage and resilience in breaking out of gender norms. In programming, encourage people to access parts of themselves that they are taught to shut down. Structures of support can take a number of forms, including formal support groups, training curriculum, organizational policies and communication practices. Gender neutral bathrooms are also an important way to make your environment a safer space for LGBTQ people.

6. Connect the dots. The dialogue around anti-LGBTQ bullying can open up space for discussions about how we can transform our culture and make it safer for everyone. In her work, Belia has witnessed young people transform their attitudes and behaviors as they make connections between different forms of violence and systems of domination. Explore the roots of anti-LGBTQ violence. Learn more about gender, how it is socially constructed and perpetuated and how to transform it. Ask questions and keep the dialogue going.

7. Take action now and commit to the long haul. There are many ways we can make a difference right now in work with organizations, institutions, youth, families and communities. The Making it Better Project has tips for both youth and adults.

It will also take a long-term commitment to transform deeply embedded cultural patterns, social norms and systems, starting with our selves. We can make a difference by doing the ongoing work to end violence and domination at all levels of our society. We can save lives and create a world with safety, justice and freedom for everyone.

Thank you for reading!

Laurin Mayeno, Mayeno Consulting

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Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Resources:

Thanks to friends and colleagues who have recommended resources to include in this newsletter. Here is a sampling of resources and information that is by no means comprehensive:



API Family Pride
The Brown Boi Project
COLAGE Youth Leadership and Action Program
Community United Against Violence
Groundspark
GSA Network
The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
Lyric
Our Family Coalition
Outlet
PFLAG
California Safe Schools Coalition
Somos Familia
Trans Youth Equality Foundation
Trans Youth Family Allies
Yes Institute
Family Acceptance Project

Make It Better Project
Welcoming Schools
Five Ways To Stop Bullying
Today's Love: He's My Little Brother
Groundspark Responds to Tragic News of Teen Suicides
Out & Equal Workspace Resources
Straight For Equality... in the Workplace
Get the Scoop on Creating a Gay-Friendly Workspace
Straight For Equality... In Healthcare
La Mission The Movie

Responding to Tensions in the Community

Dear Laurin,

Our organization serves people from different ages and backgrounds in the same facility. Cutbacks in services have resulted in increased tension in the community we serve. Recently we have had some conflict over the use of space for program activities. In one incident, an older White male community member told a group of male youth of color to leave a recreational space so he could use it. When they did not leave immediately, he called one of the youth a _______ (overtly racist term). We have already taken measures to make sure that this individual does not repeat the offense. We had conversations with all of the youth involved and their parents. What else can we do to respond to this incident as an opportunity for shared learning and strengthen our commitment to multiculturalism? We want to address the issue in our community while protecting the confidentiality of the individuals who were involved.

"Jackie"

Dear Jackie,

Thank you for sharing this challenge. My colleague, Robin Tucker, has assisted me in writing this response. Tensions related to culture, power and difference often bubble under the surface in organizations, even if they aren't acknowledged. When they come out into the open, there is an opportunity to respond, rather than react. For example, you may choose to renew your commitment to creating an environment where everyone is welcome, respected and safe. You may also make a commitment to strengthening connections and understanding between different groups within the community you serve. Here are some ideas we would like to offer:

Send a clear message. It is important for the agency to send a clear message to the community that it is taking this incident seriously and is committed to providing a safe environment for all people who are part of the community served. A foremost concern is the safety of the young people who were targeted in this incident. The safety of all people, particularly those who are most likely to be harassed or mistreated, should also be considered.

Engage the people who were directly involved. Talk to the youth and their families as well as the staff involved and explore how to work together to create a safe environment for young people of color. It is important not to treat the youth as victims, but to engage them as valued partners. Make clear commitments regarding what you will do as an agency.

Create an opportunity for forgiveness and dialogue. It is important to remember that we have all been influenced by the "isms" in society. None of us are completely "above" being racist, sexist, classist, heterosexist, ageist, etc. While racist behavior should not be tolerated, it is important to create an environment where people are not vilified for showing their "isms". South Africa has given us an example of reconciliation in an intensely racist environment. Consider that reconciliation is possible and can be very powerful. Listen to all perspectives without labeling the person who made the racist statement the "bad guy". Is there willingness on his part to grow and learn? If he is willing to take responsibility for his actions and understand the impact on the youth, the hurtful experience could potentially be turned into a positive one.

Build staff capacity to respond proactively. Find out from the staff members who were involved what support they need. Were they personally impacted or triggered? Did they have knowledge and skills to deal with the incident? Are there clear policies to guide the agency response? Is there training that might build staff capacity and confidence in responding to such incidents? What is staff role in fostering multicultural understanding so that people in the community treat each other with respect?

Clarify organizational policies and values. Does the agency have explicit values and policies around multiculturalism and respectful conduct towards all people? If not, here's an opportunity to create them. If you have values and policies, revisit them and renew your commitment at all levels of the agency. If the Board of Directors, managers and staff engage in theses discussions, you will learn from multiple perspectives and encourage shared responsibility for implementation. Make sure that everyone is aware of the agency commitments and able to implement them. Discuss how you can be more proactive in bringing your values to the work and the community you serve.

Engage the community in dialogue. Consider conducting a dialogue to engage staff and community in learning and sharing responsibility for building a safe, respectful environment for all people. You may wish to mention that a few things have happened that are of concern (incidents where race, gender, age have been a factor) without focusing on a specific incident. Talk about how to be a successful multicultural community. Do some deep thinking together about systemic issues that impact the community. Discuss how people in the community want to relate to each other. Here are some examples of questions to discuss:
• How do we create an environment where we value what everyone brings?
• How do we create an environment were we acknowledge and overcome fear of the others because they are different?

Get the support you need. Finally, the leaders in your organization have been given a tremendous opportunity for learning and growth. Practice self-awareness. Be aware of your own reactions, thoughts, feelings and needs. Recognize and seek the support you need in navigating this journey.

All our best to you!

Laurin Mayeno, Mayeno Consulting
Robin Tucker, The Proper Angle

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog post. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Overcoming Silos to Build a Multicultural Organization

Dear Laurin,

During the past decade my organization received funding that enabled us to hire staff for targeted outreach and direct service to Latina and African American communities. While this has greatly expanded our service delivery in these communities, it has also created silos among these programs and inhibited the sharing of learning, support and best practices across all programs. We are an organization with a small staff and a large base of volunteers. How can we work to overcome these silos and build a multicultural organization where all paid and unpaid service providers share learnings and support each other?

"Pamela"

Dear Pamela,

Thanks for bringing up an issue that impacts many organizations. Your situation highlights that the presence of diverse staff in an organization does not automatically lead to strong multicultural working relationships. There are great opportunities for learning, growth and stronger performance when people come together across program area and job function.

Silos often develop within organizations regardless of whether there are ethnic-specific programs. Silos happen when the program or department develops an identity of its own without a strong shared identification with the organization and its mission. Silos may be seen as a reflection of a tendency to develop organizations as sets of separate functions, rather than communities of people working together. In this era of shrinking resources tensions may build as people within these silos worry about the sustainability of their jobs and the work that they do.

As you mentioned, there is great value in having programs and staff who focus in specific communities. It allows you to tailor your outreach and provide linguistically and cultural responsive services. The challenge you mention often occurs when the people in these programs do not fully support one another. For example, one organization had a sole staff person whose job was to provide support services for the Latino community. She found herself isolated and overwhelmed in her efforts to support people who were dealing with a life threatening illness, often with limited economic resources and access to care. In the organization, each person's job was seen as a separate function, so there was nobody else in the organization responsible for supporting her. In situations like this, social divisions and inequities based on race, class, gender, language or other differences may be further exacerbated.

The good news is that organizations such as yours have tremendous potential to build community and multicultural connections based on a shared mission. Below, I will outline a few principles and examples of how this can occur.

1. Create an identity that fosters shared ownership. One key to building a cohesive organization is shifting the way people think about the organization, it's work and the people involved. In one organization the people recognized that their role was not just to provide services within their individual program areas; it also entailed building a supportive healing community. They began to ask for and provide support for each other across program areas. The staff also shifted the way they thought about volunteers. Rather than thinking of volunteers as people who helped the staff do their work, they began viewing them as people who were invested in the organization and were an integral part of the work. This shift in thinking occurred in their language and ways of talking about and conceptualizing their work and themselves. It also developed through activities where people engaged with the organization came together across program area and function to interact and learn from each other.

2. Build authentic relationships among people as an integral part of the work. In one organization, the staff recognized that their work required relationship building amongst themselves as well as with the people they served. They set a goal of strengthening communication in the organization and began building the capacity and openness to communicate amongst themselves. They practiced using guidelines for multicultural communication, taking risks and "getting real" with each other. This was possible because of a shift in thinking (Principle 1, above); they recognized that their relationship building was a crucial part of their work. The relationship built among staff built a foundation to model authentic communication with volunteers, board members and community partners.

3. Establish ongoing forums for shared learning, growth and community building. One organization conducted a series of dialogues involving staff, board and volunteers. Through these dialogues they built connections among people who had been functioning in separate silos. Interpretation was provided to enable people to communicate across different languages. People who were part of the organization and its community had the opportunity to share experiences from their work, explore commonalities and differences, and learn from each other. These forums provide an opportunity for building a sense of shared community among the people who are actively engaged with the organization as well as the broader communities they serve. They recognized the importance of BOTH maintaining distinct program areas and support for different populations AND building bridges across difference to create a multicultural community.

In these tough economic times, many organizations are rethinking how they do their work. I have had the privilege of working with several organizations that are maintaining a steadfast commitment to multicultural principles in the face of uncertainty and loss. While challenging, these times may also present opportunities to develop new ways of working that unify organizations and the people they interact with. Most non-profit and public organizations are concerned with issues of health, well-being and quality of life. When organizations build authentic communication and connection they can bring this to the communities they serve. By conceptualizing community building, learning and relationship building as integral to the organization's work we can build healthier, more sustainable organizations and communities.

All my best to you and the amazing people you work with!

Laurin

Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog post. f you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!

I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that sends me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.

Transforming Communication: When Breakdowns become Breakthroughs

Dear Friends,

I didn't start out my consultant business with a focus on communication. This focus grew as a result of a steady stream of communication breakdowns over the years: conflicts with people being targeted and blamed, people complaining that they weren't being heard, concerns about lack of transparency, people avoiding difficult conversations, tensions resulting from different communication styles...and so on. I saw that these breakdowns could have a devastating impact on the people, their morale and their work. I also saw that when communication works, it can transform an individual, a team and an entire organization!

Over the past several years, communication has become a cornerstone of my work. In this month's "Lessons from the Field", I share my top 5 lessons on communication breakdowns and breakthroughs. I am deeply grateful to, and inspired by, the many people I have worked with and learned from. Special thanks go to my colleagues Loretta Hobbs of O-Neal Hobbs Associates and Françoise Spaulding-Keller for their valuable input. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address (www.mayenoconsulting.com) if you pass it on to others.

LESSON 1: Communication breakdowns happen. A breakdown is when something doesn't work. If we start by accepting and expecting that breakdowns will happen, we will be less likely to react with dismay. Breakdowns may happen for a number of reasons. For example, when an organization expands, communication processes that once worked may not work anymore. If people have very different ways of looking at the world or different styles of communication, misunderstandings are bound to occur. The rapid changes in technology add different methods of communicating to the mix. In short, don't be surprised if something isn't working in communication.

LESSON 2: Problem-solving doesn't transform communication. When I started out with a problem-solving approach, I noticed that people (myself included) were defensive and seemed to suffer through the process. Focusing attention on fixing a problem did not inspire people. People often felt bad about themselves and each other. Shifting away from problem-solving doesn't mean ignoring challenges. We can acknowledge the challenges AND frame them as opportunities. For example, conflicts about tone of voice, office noise levels or how people respond to requests may impede productivity and teambuilding and decrease job satisfaction. They may also provide rich opportunities to learn about different communication styles, enhance working relationships and develop strategies that meet everyone's needs.

LESSON 3: Where there's a breakdown, a breakthrough is possible. When communication gets challenging, people are often driven by anger and fear; their outlook about the future tends towards gloom and doom. An alternative way of looking at breakdowns is to see them as "pre-breakthrough moments" or moments of creative tension. For an organization with confusion about expectations, there may be an opportunity to break through the confusion to clarify roles and model transparency. For the organization an employee makes an offensive remark, the organization may be ready to break through a pattern of tolerating intolerance and become a model of respect and appreciation. When we see the opportunity for a breakthrough in the breakdown, we can generate energy and open up space for exploration.

LESSON 4: Where you stand (figuratively speaking) makes all the difference. Our stance towards the situation and the people is pivotal in how we move through a communication breakdown. In a competitive communication model, there are winners and losers, who are either "right" or "wrong" and we are more interested in surviving than in truly understanding one another. Our stance may be to fight, avoid discomfort, or give in (surrender). In this model, you can't win unless someone else loses. In a collaborative communication model the goal is to come together and strengthen mutual understanding, based on commitment to the relationship. This model only works if we take a stance of generosity with ourselves and towards others. We can choose to assume positive intent and understand the experiences and needs of everyone, without judgment. New agreements can be reached that work for everyone.

LESSON 5: Breakthroughs start with the willingness to try on new communication practices. It doesn't work to sit back and wonder why everyone else isn't communicating. The more we are willing to open up and communicate authentically, the more we make it okay for others to do so. The most transformative moments I have seen in organizations are when individuals takes that risk, speak authentically from their own experience, without shaming or blaming and are truly heard by others. In these moments, trust becomes possible where trust was broken. People step up and take responsibility for the impact their actions have had. People are able to hear each other's needs and requests without defending or judging. People discover deep compassion and connection to one another and value, rather than survive, their working relationships.

August Workshops - This article has touched briefly on a few lessons from my practice. If you are interested in learning more, please consider participating in the August 11 workshop on "Authentic Communication for Empowered Teams" , offered by CompassPoint Nonprofit Services or attending the August 31 workshop on "Courageous Conversations Around Culture, Power and Difference" offered in partnership with Featherston & Associates as part of CompassPoint's Nonprofit Day.


Thanks for reading!

Laurin
Mayeno Consulting

Balancing Flexibility and Accountability in Working Relationships

Below is a "Dear Laurin" submitted by a colleague from one of the organizations I work with. The names have been changed to protect confidentiality, but the situation is real. I work in partnership with other consultants to provide the best combination of experience and skills for my clients. Thanks to Jacqueline Elena Featherston of Featherston & Associates for her partnership on this blog entry. Thanks also to Adele James, Amiko Mayeno and Dawna Vann for their valuable input.

If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!


Laurin

Mayeno Consulting

Dear Laurin,

How do I, as a leader of a non-profit organization and a person of color be an ally to other cultures and remain firm and clear about our organization's guidelines and expectation of staff performance? In this particular situation, I am an Asian American woman and supervisor. The staff member (we'll call her Lisa) is an African American woman employee who is often late to work. There is some flexibility in the schedule, where she can set her own schedule and show up for that schedule. However, recently, the schedule keeps changing and she is unable to be present in the organization. This has caused some communication break down and the work ends up falling on me.

Any suggestions on how I can be firm in communicating my concerns and at the same time not make this employee feel isolated?

Anita

Dear Anita,

Thank you for this very intriguing question. Your situation brings out important issues of flexibility, accountability, culture, race, power and communication that are often arise in nonprofits. Non-profit managers often see situations like this as problems to be solved. If we shift our approach, we can find great opportunities to learn, grow and build stronger working relationships. In the spirit of partnership, I have enlisted the support my colleague, Jacqueline Elena Featherston in responding to your question.

First, let's talk about flexibility and accountability. A nonprofit functions best when everyone is accountable for their part in the important work it is set up to do. Many nonprofits also try to be flexible to accommodate people's different life circumstances and cultures. Flexibility and accountability are not mutually exclusive.

Clear expectations are needed in order to have accountability. Breakdowns often occur when there is confusion about expectations. The organization may be unclear about its policies or how flexible to be in implementing them. Supervisors may be uncomfortable with their responsibility to set and communicate clear expectations and consequences.

Expectations should be designed to help the organization and team function effectively. If expectations are not clear, you may want to engage in conversation about what norms would best serve BOTH individual and organizational needs. There may be greater staff buy in and mutual accountability if staff members participate in a process of creating shared expectations.

Second, it is important to acknowledge that dynamics of difference related to race, culture, age, class, gender, orientation and other variables are constantly at play in nonprofits. A first step as a cross-cultural ally is self-assessment. The following are some areas of self-reflection that may be useful:

What baggage might you be bringing to the table that gets in the way? Are you uncomfortable with the race dynamic as an Asian American supervising an African American? Are there other dynamics, such as class or age at play? Have you been engaging in "dysfunctional rescuing" or "helping" the staff person in a way that sets her up to fail?* What can you acknowledge and take responsibility for?

Be aware that Lisa and you may see and experience things differently through each of your "cultural lenses". For example, the relationship you each have to time and timeliness may be different. Flexibility and knowledge about cultural relationship to “clock” time can allow you to frame a conversation that respects difference AND emphasizes your organizational norms and expectations around punctuality.

Third, open and clear communication is absolutely essential. The key to this communication is your commitment or stand. As an ally, the starting place for the communication must be your commitment to the success of the employee AND the organization's success. It is likely that the employee shares this same commitment. You may need more than one conversation to get things moving forward. Here are four topic areas that may be useful to discuss:

1. Sharing concerns
2. Clarifying needs and expectations
3. Supporting the employee in meeting expectations
4. Clarifying consequences if the expectations are not met

The following communications guidelines may also be useful for your conversation:

1. Listen generously - Focus on what you are both committed to.
Crucial to the success of your conversation is supporting Lisa's sense of inclusion by asking questions and understanding her experience and perspective. It indicates a humility and willingness to learn that is often appreciated. It creates a place for authenticity and self-disclosure.

2. Check out any assumptions - Ask questions to clarify and assumptions you may have about Lisa’s behavior or intent. You may find that something is occurring that results in the tardiness and absences from the office that needs to be addressed.

3. Model accountability - Be accountable for your role, if any, in the breakdown. Let the employee know what she can expect you to do differently in the future.

4. Be clear about what you see and what you expect and why. Focus on what is workable, without making it a moral issue of right/wrong. The clearer and more specific your observations, the easier it is for the person to understand exactly what it is about her behavior, rather than her personality that concerns you. Make it clear what your expectations are and underscore that you are committed to supporting her success.

In closing, this is an opportunity for you and Lisa to recommit to the organization and working relationship with renewed confidence and clarity. Don't be surprised if it sometimes feels uncomfortable or gets messy. This is part of the process when trying on new ways of communicating. Thanks for giving us an opportunity to engage with you on this rich and challenging topic!

Laurin and Jacqueline Elena
www.mayenoconsulting.com

*Visions, Inc. does some very valuable work on the dynamics of modern oppression and internalized oppression. This article discusses dysfunctional rescuing and other behaviors in greater detail.

Welcome to Mayeno Consulting's First Blog

Dear Friends,

Welcome to my blog and my first blog entry. Below is a sample "Dear Laurin". I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to the organization that sends me the "Dear Laurin" letter that I use for my June commentary. Enjoy reading!

Laurin

P.S. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others, please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting. Thanks!
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Dear Laurin,

The issue of "safety" keeps coming up in our staff meetings. Our cultural competence committee has tried to engage people in dialogue with mixed results. Some people say they don't feel safe to talk about issues of culture and difference. There are usually only a few people who speak, and most people sit back in silence. Any ideas for how to address this challenge?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Congratulations to you and your organization for taking steps to engage in open communication! With open communication, everyone in the organization can share ideas and insights to shape the organization, programs and services. There is great benefit in hearing insights into what is working well and what else can be done to maximize effectiveness. People also need to feel that their voices are heard and that they are being treated respectfully and fairly. Open communication also allows people to learn from disagreements and conflicts and develop greater understanding and appreciation of one another. So, why do people feel unsafe? What can we do to make a difference?

It's important to acknowledge social context. Organizations are in many ways reflections of our larger societal culture, in which communicating about culture and difference is not the norm. Dynamics of culture and difference are at play all the time, but we rarely talk about them. These topics are generally seen as "undiscussable". Therefore, your organization is working against societal norms, breaking silences and creating new norms.

Our society also operates with a norm of competitive communication. Most of us learn to view disagreements as threats and to see things from an "either/or" "right/wrong" perspective. We are conditioned to deal with differences by avoiding, fighting or giving in. We are also taught not to challenge people in authority. These patterns of responding to difference leave little room to receive the gifts of learning available to us when differences are surfaced.

Another obstacle in the organizations I have worked with is fear of negative consequences. There is often a perception in organizations that people who speak up will face negative repercussions, which may be as extreme as losing their jobs or being passed over for promotion. People may also fear being judged, socially isolated or dismissed. Here are some questions to consider:

How do people in the organization respond to concerns about how the organization addresses culture, race, gender or other differences? Are the concerns taken seriously? Do people in leadership roles listen openly and non-defensively? Is the person labeled as "too sensitive" or " a complainer"? Is there a policy to protect people who raise these issues from negative repercussions?

Is there an atmosphere of judgment where people are judged for being "too politically correct" or "not politically correct enough"? What type of climate do you want to create in the organization so that people will feel free to raise their concerns and contribute their ideas?

Here are a few things that have worked for organizations I work with. Each organization is different, so think about what might work for you:

1. Be open and intentional about creating an environment that welcomes different perspectives. Be clear on why you want to have open communication. People will be more likely to open up if they understand the benefits for the communities you serve and the work environment.

2. Model open communication at the leadership level. Make it a practice to take space and take time to stop and listen. Listen deeply to what people are saying, without judging. Make sure that they know they are being heard. Acknowledge people for taking risks and bringing up tough issues.

3. Adopt and practice communications guidelines to foster open communication. Include a "no repercussions" guideline. Make sure that staff members know where to go if they feel that the guideline is being violated.

4. Establish a clear, transparent process for responding to the issues that are raised. Build trust by being open about what you can and can't do to address the issue. Work together to address issues rather than expecting managers to address all concerns.

It may take time and a concerted effort to "unlearn" old patterns and establish new ones. Don't forget to acknowledge and celebrate small victories. Your commitment makes a difference!

Laurin
www.mayenoconsulting.com
Mayeno Consulting, May 2010