The recent wave of suicides of young gay teenagers has impacted me deeply and prompted the subject matter for this month's post. This post is dedicated to the people who have lost their lives or been injured as a result of anti-LGBTQ harassment or violence and the people who love them. I have enlisted the support of my niece Belia Mayeno Saavedra, a long-time youth educator, to help me think and write about these issues. Thank you Belia!
Our goal is to foster dialogue and action among non-profit, public and philanthropic organizations. As we write, we hold a vision of a world where people of all sexual orientations, gender identities and gender expressions are safe and valued for who they are. In my work with non-profit organizations I have heard from staff members who don't feel safe being open about their LGBTQ identity in their work places. In a multicultural workshop for a public organization, a participant gasped in dismay when I disclosed that my son was gay. Staff from a child development program told me that a parent complained viciously after their daughter read a book about a child with same-sex parents. These are a few of many signals that there is much work to be done and there are many opportunities for non-profit, public and philanthropic organizations to make a difference.
Safety for LGBTQ people is relevant to all organizations that have people in them, provide direct services or are in any way part of the public discourse. While child and youth serving organizations may be most directly impacted, this topic is profoundly relevant to others. The recent suicides are not just about LGBTQ young people or the people that bully and reject them. This issue is about all of us as part of families and communities. It is about all of us as part of a society that perpetuates rigid rules about gender and sexual orientation and uses harassment and violence against those who don't comply. Here are some things that we can do:
1. Recognize the issue and its impact. The deaths of our young people are stark reminders that harassment and violence against lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people is a serious issue with deadly consequences. LGBTQ people face bullying, harassment, violence and rejection all the time and youth suicide among LGBTQ is not a new phenomenon. This cruelty is aimed at anyone who is perceived to be LGBTQ or who doesn't dress and act according to social rules for boys or girls, men or women. Bullying creates an unsafe environment for all children.
2. Acknowledge and build community strength and power. There is another side to this story that often goes untold. It is the story of the resilience and power of LGBTQ people of all ages. It is the friends, parents, brothers, sisters and grandparents who stand by their LGBTQ family members. It is the many people and organizations working to build safer schools, inclusive congregations, end violence, strengthen family support, change discriminatory policies and transform community attitudes. It is the hundreds of thousands of people who wore purple on October 20th and many who have marched, rallied and campaigned, been imprisoned and faced brutality and death to win basic rights for LGBTQ people. It is also the perpetrators of violence who have accounted for their violent actions and learned how to be empowered without dominating others. Recognize the resilience and power among LGBTQ youth and support them in building that power. Explore ways to build on and tap into the strengths in your community. Discover and share resources, a sampling of which are listed below.
3. Break the silence. Discuss how your organization can contribute to creating safe and inclusive spaces for LGBTQ people. There are many different ways to start conversations about the issues. There are articles, films and other resources you can use as a jumping off point for the discussion. If you work with youth, ask about their experiences and learn how this issue impacts them. Learn from their experiences ways that you can strengthen your programs. Foster dialogue among youth to build bridges of understanding. If you don't work with youth, consider other ways that this issue might relate to your organization and its work. For example, have you created an environment that is inclusive and safe for LGBTQ people who may work there? Do you have a way to address incidents of mistreatment in the workplace?
4. Look at messages you are sending (or not sending). LGBTQ people face an onslaught of messages from our society and culture that something is gravely wrong with them. It makes a difference to get accepting and inclusive messages from adults, family members and peers.
If you serve young children, be aware that young people get messages about gender and orientation from a very young age. They learn the rules very early on regarding what it means to "act like a boy" or "act like a girl". They may get teased and they may get pressured in subtle and not-so-subtle ways to conform to societal norms. Whether we are perpetuating an overt act of violence, telling a boy "don't be a sissy" or discouraging a girl from being too strong we are participating in the enforcement of gender roles that are not naturally determined, but socially defined. This pressure often comes from well-meaning parents who want their children to conform in order to fit in and be accepted. Well intentioned or not, this gender policing creates the social environment where people hurt others.
Regardless of what age group you work with, be aware of the messages you are sending in your communications, actions, and interactions. Are you silent on the issue? For example, do images in your brochures include people who are LGBTQ? If you do education, does your curriculum address issues of gender and sexual orientation? If you use language based on heterosexual norms, you may be unintentionally sending negative messages. For example, automatically referring to a woman's partner as a "husband" or "boyfriend" sends a message that heterosexuality is the expected norm, while same-sex relationships are not.
5. Create structures for support. Move beyond acceptance to valuing and celebrating LGBTQ young people for who they are as individuals and for their courage and resilience in breaking out of gender norms. In programming, encourage people to access parts of themselves that they are taught to shut down. Structures of support can take a number of forms, including formal support groups, training curriculum, organizational policies and communication practices. Gender neutral bathrooms are also an important way to make your environment a safer space for LGBTQ people.
6. Connect the dots. The dialogue around anti-LGBTQ bullying can open up space for discussions about how we can transform our culture and make it safer for everyone. In her work, Belia has witnessed young people transform their attitudes and behaviors as they make connections between different forms of violence and systems of domination. Explore the roots of anti-LGBTQ violence. Learn more about gender, how it is socially constructed and perpetuated and how to transform it. Ask questions and keep the dialogue going.
7. Take action now and commit to the long haul. There are many ways we can make a difference right now in work with organizations, institutions, youth, families and communities. The Making it Better Project has tips for both youth and adults.
It will also take a long-term commitment to transform deeply embedded cultural patterns, social norms and systems, starting with our selves. We can make a difference by doing the ongoing work to end violence and domination at all levels of our society. We can save lives and create a world with safety, justice and freedom for everyone.
Thank you for reading!
Laurin Mayeno, Mayeno Consulting
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Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address if you pass it on to others. Thanks!
I invite you to Email me at laurin@mayenoconsulting.com with topics that come up in your work. As a special incentive, I will provide 3 hours of free consultation to organizations that send me "Dear Laurin" letters that I use for future commentaries.
Resources:
Thanks to friends and colleagues who have recommended resources to include in this newsletter. Here is a sampling of resources and information that is by no means comprehensive:
API Family Pride
The Brown Boi Project
COLAGE Youth Leadership and Action Program
Community United Against Violence
Groundspark
GSA Network
The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
Lyric
Our Family Coalition
Outlet
PFLAG
California Safe Schools Coalition
Somos Familia
Trans Youth Equality Foundation
Trans Youth Family Allies
Yes Institute
Family Acceptance Project
Make It Better Project
Welcoming Schools
Five Ways To Stop Bullying
Today's Love: He's My Little Brother
Groundspark Responds to Tragic News of Teen Suicides
Out & Equal Workspace Resources
Straight For Equality... in the Workplace
Get the Scoop on Creating a Gay-Friendly Workspace
Straight For Equality... In Healthcare
La Mission The Movie
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
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