Greetings and Happy Winter!
According to Mayan wisdom and prophecy, today does not mark
the end of the world, but the beginning of a new era and a time of
transformation. As we enter a new era and a new year, I am dedicating this blog
to all people who work to make a difference in the world. The topic I chose, caring
for our selves and each other as we work to make a difference, is in keeping
with the theme of transformation and renewal. Many thanks to Lea Arellano,of Human Solutions Consulting and Training, for her coaching and feedback in
writing this blog.
Passionate People Losing Passion
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to make a
difference. As a girl, I gave money to the United Farmworkers, marched with my
mother and other teachers when they went on strike and protested the war in
Viet Nam. Since then, I have worked on a number of different issues ranging
from anti-racism to building support for LGBTQ youth. In the best of times, my
passion and enthusiasm for social change has been nurtured through my work. In
some of the hardest times, I neglected my own needs as I strived to contribute
to the greater good. Years after I suffered the devastating loss of my first
husband and developed a chronic health problem, I finally began taking my own
well being seriously. Over the years, I have learned and relearned that
self-care is necessary, not only for myself, but also for my work to thrive.
I am privileged to work with many people who were drawn to
what they do because they care deeply about children and families, workers,
people with life threatening diseases, the environment and a host of issues.
Their workplaces give them a place to feed their passions and work towards the
world they envision. Unfortunately, those passions often become dampened, when
their needs are not attended to. Here are some of the things I’ve heard from
people working on social causes:
“No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to meet
expectations. I never feel good enough.”
“I don’t take lunch breaks. I work
and eat at the same time.”
“My supervisor wasn’t supportive when
I had to take care of my sick child.”
“I feel judged when I try to set
boundaries around my time. Everyone is expected to be available all the time.”
“I wouldn’t want a leadership role,
because then I really won’t have a life.”
“My work is emotionally draining,
and I don’t have any support or time to process my emotions.
”The need is endless and I can
never do enough.”
“The campaign always comes first.
We are expected to do whatever it takes.”
In many cases, the people who work for social change put
their own health and well being last. We work in a challenging world, often
times on urgent issues against great odds. But, does this work necessarily need
to involve sacrificing our own wellbeing?
The Cultural Challenge
There are many different reasons why self-care is low
priority, including social injustices and a related lack of social investment
in the important work we do. But, there is one obstacle that resides within many of us -
the people who do this work. This
obstacle is a deep-seated cultural belief that caring for the people doing the
work, our selves included, is less important than the work at hand. When we buy
into this mindset, we develop organizational practices that are unsupportive of
staff and volunteers. And, as
individuals, we may develop patterns in our every day lives that are detrimental
to our wellbeing and sustainability.
Many people are calling attention to this as an issue of
justice, organizational effectiveness, and sustainability. Today, I’m adding my
voice to the choir. As people and organizations working for social change, it’s
time for a cultural shift - one which values the people doing the work as much
as the communities and issues we work with.
I grew up in the days when activists put many of their own
personal aspirations and self-care on the back burner to work for social
change. People who pursued their education, wanted to have children or wanted
freedom to do other things were sometimes judged and seen as being
self-indulgent and lacking commitment to the cause. While this way of being
seemed necessary at the time, it was not sustainable. I am heartened to see
many activists today who think differently and lead more balanced lives. I also
see that we still have a ways to go.
Unlearning Ways of Thinking
In many cultures, including the dominant U.S. culture, many
of us are taught that our needs are not important. Members of oppressed groups
are treated as second-class citizens. As we internalize negative messages we
receive, we may believe that we are not worthy or not important. We may believe
that our ideas are not valuable, our dreams not realizable or our needs don’t
matter.
We are taught to put our own needs on the back burner. Women
are socialized to be selfless caretakers. Men, on the other hand are socialized
to believe that their worth is largely defined by their careers and ability to
earn money. Self-care (other than working out) is not considered manly. Guilt
can also deter people from practicing self-care. It can be difficult to spend
time or money doing things for our selves, when the destruction of mother earth
continues, countless people are starving and homeless, and many more are
threatened by violence.
This dominant mentality towards concern for self is embedded
in our language. Words connected to “self”, like selfish and self-centered
usually have negative connotations and suggest total disregard for others. We
are taught that thinking about and tending to our own needs is in contradiction
to caring for others. This either/or
thinking fails to recognize that as individuals we are connected to other
people; and our health and happiness are also interconnected.
There is still a tendency among people working in nonprofits
or social change organizations to value those who selflessly work long hours
and set few personal boundaries. People who don’t follow suit may have their
commitment questioned. This way of thinking can be very detrimental to the
health of people and organizations. For individuals, it harms self-esteem and
discourages people from setting healthy boundaries, pursuing their own
passions, expressing or doing things to meet their own needs. At the
organizational level, it results in high levels of burnout, high rates of
turnover, unhealthy organizational culture and zaps organizations of their
vitality and sustainability.
Good News!
The good news is that many people are recognizing the
benefits of thinking and acting differently when it comes to self-care.
Recognizing that old ways are not working, there are the beginnings of a
cultural shift on this topic. We are beginning to recognize that self-care and
caring for others aren’t mutually exclusive. Instead, they are deeply
interconnected.
There is other good news! Some organizations have worked to
embody commitment to their staff and volunteers. One organization I had the
privilege to work with listened to and addressed the ideas and concern of every
staff member and intern in their strategic planning process. Several staff wide
dialogues as well as one-on-one meetings were held to inform decisions about a
substantial restructuring of their work. Another organization restructured
their workflow so that staff could have more down time and provided counseling
support for staff working with clients with life threatening diseases. This
staff framed “self-care” as an issue of organizational sustainability and
gained support for the importance of these changes from their governing board.
A Different Mindset
We can shift our mindset if we reconsider the notion that
there is something wrong with being self-important.
Here are six reasons why our own needs and our own self-care are important.
1.
All of us matter. Every human being has thoughts,
feelings, experiences and needs that matter. As Maisha Z. Johnson states, “…we all deserve care, simply because we
exist. That means you.”
2.
For people who are marginalized and devalued by
society, self-care is a way of claiming one’s own value and sustaining one’s
self in the face of oppression. In the words of Audre Lorde “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence,
it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare.”
3.
When we care for ourselves, we can contribute
more fully to our communities and society. We can nurture and pursue our passions
more effectively. We can be more generous with others. We can bring more happiness and peaceful
energy to our interactions.
4.
Self-care makes it possible to communicate
authentically. We can only express our thoughts, feelings and ideas if we value
ourselves. Authentic communication is essential for effective teams.
5.
We are models for the people around us. By
modeling self-care and behaving like our own needs matter, the people around us
learn to do the same for themselves. For example, parents who value their own
self-care help their children learn by example.
6.
Self-care is necessary for sustainability. The work that we are all doing will require
long-term commitment. By caring for our selves, organizations can reduce
turnover and maintain continuity of staff. As individuals, self-care can enable
us sustain our ability to contribute for the long haul.
Broadening the Concept of Self-Care
What do we mean by self-care? Some people shun the idea of
self-care as something that is individualistic and classist, available only to
the middle and upper classes. Self-care doesn’t necessarily involve yoga
classes, organic food and meditation retreats. If we take a broader approach to
self-care, it can have more potential and relevance to all of us. Self-care is
the revolutionary idea that our own feelings, needs and thoughts are
important.
Self-care might look different to different people. It might
be tending to our spiritual or emotional needs, connecting with nature, finding
an outlet for our rage, being listened to, journaling, caring for our bodies, creating
a community garden, stopping to breathe, speaking up about something that is
bothering us, connecting with community, setting boundaries, working for social
justice, healing from oppression, finding creative expression, leaving a toxic
environment, or pursuing our dreams. However it looks, self-care can only
happen if we value our selves.
Self-care cannot happen in isolation. We cannot value
ourselves if we don’t also value our fellow human beings and the earth that
sustains us. Creating a culture of caring requires a cultural shift in our
thinking and changes in our structures and patterns of living and working. In
the long run, it requires shifting the priorities of our society so that the
wellbeing of all people and the earth that sustains us are valued over the
profits of a few. In the meantime, there is much we can do as individuals and
organizations to build a culture of caring for our selves as we care for others
and work for social change.
For more information about my work, see my website or read past commentaries on my blog.Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed reading "Lessons from the Field". If you find this information useful and want to share it with others for purposes of learning (not for profit), please feel free to do so. Please acknowledge Mayeno Consulting and include my web address (www.mayenoconsulting.com) if you pass it on to others. Thanks!
